General: Identifying and Dealing with a Sociopathic Cheater

Cheating has to be the most exhausting and pathetic thing an individual can do to another individual. No one ever has a good reason for cheating, but there are a few cheaters that are able to turn the tables on their significant other. It’s always the same pattern and routine with the most notable being that it is never completely the cheaters’ fault. The Non-cheater (NC) is the one who is so wrapped with emotion it’s hard to get clear thought. The Non-Cheater (NC) only has reactionary response to the information that has been ascertained, and the cheater is attempting build to a reasonable belief that it was not their fault but that of the significant other. A sociopath is characterized by a disregard for other people. Let dive into the middle of a cheater and Non cheater conversation towards the end.

After several hours of arguing

NC-Are you cheating on me, just tell me the truth

Cheater-no how could you say that I love you and I do all this stuff for you. Why are you asking me this.

NC-I have photos and videos on my phone send for the person you are cheating on me with. Did you and the OP get in a fight?

Cheater- I can explain that!

NC-Explain what?! You just said you weren’t cheating.

Cheater-I wasn’t, the other person (OP) likes me but I don’t pay it no mind.

NC-so you never had sex with OP, or kissed the OP?

Cheater- NO

NC-I have video OP sent me video of you two in bed together. Throws phone at cheater.

At this point the cheater is going into survival mode, not out of love for you but not to be the bad person anymore. At this point the cheater is caught, but as you are about to end the entire show and go on your way the sociopath must first draw you back into the fight before you can process and make a non-emotional decision. The sociopath’s job is to keep you in your feeling so that your mind is clouded with judgement.

Cheater: baby please wait, it was an accident, OP does not mean anything to me. Don’t just throw away 5 years together over one accident. We are better than that. I was just out with my boys and one thing led to another, and things just got out of hand. I don’t care about OP and don’t want to be with OP. (At this point OP is looking at your face to see if you’re listening. If you are now, it’s time to put some emotion behind those word) baby look let’s just sit down and talk about it. You can ask me whatever you want to know, and we can get through this.

NC-was this the only time.

Cheater-yes

NC-WOW!! Your just going to lie straight with off bat.

Cheater-I’m not lying!

NC-I have more video

Cheater-Yeah, I mean, we would meet up, but not to have sex, we would just talk or hang out.

NC-wow you expect me to believe that?

Cheater-yes that’s the truth and it’s not like we have some emotional thing. We just hung out and hooked up one time and I regretted it.

NC-How many times and you bet not fucking lie or I, walking out the door.

Cheater-…a few times, but it meant nothing. You are the one I want to be with, you are the reason I work hard, I come home to you because I want you, I want our lives, the life we built together. It’s me and you baby.

NC- What the fuck is a few? did you spend money on the OP, take the OP out, did y’all talk about me.

Cheater-of course not

NC-Then how did OP get my number.

Cheater Must have stolen it out my phone?

NC-How could OP steal it out your phone, how did OT know I exist.

Cheater-OP knows I’m in a relationship.

NC-So you did talk about me.

Cheater-no!!!

NC-for her to contact she had to know I existed and the only way to know that is if you told her.

Cheater-well yeah, but we don’t talk about you like that.

NC-Like what?

Cheater-Like, what you’re thinking.

NC-what am I thinking?

Cheater-I don’t know.

NC-you don’t talk about me, but OP knows me, you only hooked up one time but you both go out and hang out a lot. Do you think I stupid. Why would OP send me all these videos, call you out, if there were no emotions involved. Clearly there is something more between you two and I don’t need nor want to be a part of it. So, I’m leaving, I’m gone, and you can do whatever with whoever.

At this point rational is entering the NC mind and that is a problem for the cheater. That means that NC is thinking and about to start seeing things clearly. What will the cheater do.

Cheater-and it’s not like it’s all my fault. OP is the one that started with me, and you have been working a lot not having time for me. You put everything ahead of me and this relationship.

NC-what the fuck, how dare you say that to me.

Cheater-You heard me every time I set up a date night you cancelled, every time I want to spend time together it either didn’t happen or you invited your friends to come. You left me standing outside by myself waiting on you and you never showed.

NC-I was working late, I told you that.

Cheater-yeah, an hour later, everything that you do you put before me and this relationship. I’m so tired of trying to make this work with you putting in little to no effort. Life is more than work and status.

NC-I work hard for us, I’m sorry I don’t have time to go play with you whenever you want but I have responsibility.

Cheater- and what am I, a chore, a warm body, someone to talk to when you bored?

NC-of course not but that doesn’t give you the right to cheat on me.

Cheater- right, but it’s not ok to leave me in this relationship by myself…

NC-what does that have to do with you cheating on me.

Cheater-I don’t even know how to respond to that. If you can’t, see your mistake in this

NC-My mistake

Cheater-where were you when I needed you, where were you while I set up date nights and was left alone. Can you imagine seating at a fucking table surrounded by loving couples waiting to have that experience only for it to never come. You left me out there looking like a foul and you seem to not care about how you hurt me.

NC-hurt you! You cheated on me.

Cheater: look maybe we should take some time.

NC-what does that mean.

Cheater-look! All I know is that I want to be with you, I see myself with you, marriage, kids all of it. I want that with you. I know we can get pass this with time. I don’t want to throw away everything we have. We both can be better, better partners and lovers. And if that is something you want too, tell me know or let’s just call it.

NC-I want those things too. I just don’t know where to go from here.

Cheater-let’s just order some food, take a rest and take it day by day.

A sociopath’s main job is to turn the table. This was a master class in moving from arguing about cheating to the relationship. When back into the proverbial corner a cheater wants your emotions at in all time high because while you are busy trying to understand them the cheater is trying to control them to a different direction.

Part two will follow how to turn the tables on a cheating sociopath and the avenues and steps to take even at your most vulnerable. Sociopaths win because they know they can win the cheating argument so they create an argument that they can win and use it to their advantage. This is how cheaters win and make the non-cheater feel that they are responsible. But they are not responsible, nor should they be with someone who is so cavalier with the heart.

To be continued.