worst day ever
September 3rd officially became the worst day i’ve ever experienced in my short 22 years of living. No, its not because my cellphone is broken out of nowhere and I was forced to spend half of my salary to buy a new one. It’s not because I got scammed by a printing shop and had to pay extra for a fucking piece of paper.
It’s because, today, I found out that I might possibly unable to produce an offspring in the future.
The thing is, I’m not actually on board with the idea of having a kid. Children are difficult to handle, not to mention that this country isn’t the best place for someone to raise their kid at.
And to be honest, until today, I still think that I might not want a children in the future.
But it feels nice to have an option to do so, isn’t it?
I mean, who knows, maybe, just maybe, I will want a kid in the future. To have a son or daughter on my own. To see little footsteps on my house, and to pepper a chubby cheek with love and adoration.
But the possibility is crushed right before my eyes. Sure, there are treatments. Maybe I will get better. Maybe it will not affect my future. I’m still young. I don’t even have a partner, let alone planning a marriage in the nearest future.
Still I cant help but feeling sad. Why is that? It feels like something inside of me is broken, it’s like a piece of me is taken away.
I want to cry every time I see a kid running around, how silly. Almost had a mental breakdown on my way home because I saw someone held a baby. This is so fucking stupid.
Or maybe I deserve this. I don’t know.
