Dyske Suematsu
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

Admittedly, there is no scientific evidence for the roles homosexual couples play, but I provided that example because I thought it was a relatively easy one to agree on. The point was for us to agree that fatherly roles need not be played by a male parent and motherly roles need not be played by a female parent. It could also be that each parent plays both, which is probably true with many homosexual couples. In gay sex, one partner tends to play the female role while another plays the male role, but many couples also take turns.

If motherly roles can only be assumed by a female parent, children of gay parents would be deprived of the traditional roles mothers played for children.

Perhaps a better example to illustrate my point is a heterosexual couple whose traditional roles are reversed where the female parent plays the fatherly roles and the male parent plays the motherly role.

If we do agree that “the role of mother or father is independent of the gender of the person who assumes it,” we can move on from here even if the example to illustrate my point may have been a poor one.

I don’t understand what you mean by “unfair on fathers”. Perhaps you can elaborate.

We can define “style” and “role” in whatever way we want in order to understand each other. It appears that you are using the word “role” in the same way actors would use. One might say, “George Clooney played the role of her father in that film.” I was using it to mean “duty” or “function” but we can use it your way too.

So, yes, I would agree that if someone cast you in a role that you did not agree to play, it’s unfair.

Also, yes, it is offensive if someone uses the label in order to refer to the negative stereotypes of mothers or fathers. You mentioned this in your article. For instance, if someone is calling you “mum” because he thinks you are constantly nagging him.

But in contrast, “He was more than a boss; he was like a father to me” is a compliment, and I think you’d agree that hearing this in the world of business does not sound inappropriate or sexist. The question we need to ask ourselves is why “She was more than a boss; she was like a mother to me” would be deemed inappropriate or sexist. In fact, I would go a step further and ask, why shouldn’t “HE was more than a boss; HE was like a MOTHER to me” be appropriate? I’d say yes; it should be considered a compliment.

I’ve seen some male managers who had a motherly style of managing. They had a high Emotional Intelligence and were always sensitive and curious about how everyone was feeling and doing in their personal lives. Tim Gunn in Project Runway might be a good reference if you have seen that show. On the other hand, the judges (including women) played the traditional roles of a father by pushing the contestants to prepare them for the merciless world outside.

The reason why we wouldn’t consider it a compliment is because we think motherly qualities or even feminine qualities are inappropriate for business. Women who have bought into this male chauvinism measure themselves and other women against this standard also.

There is nothing wrong with the traditional roles that mothers and fathers play. We all need them and they are all perfectly appropriate and effective for business also. In fact, we need a lot more motherly types/strategies/values in business. And, I repeat, they do not need to be filled by women. The gender of the person who fills these roles should be independent. I think this is how we make progress in our pursuit of gender equality.

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    Dyske Suematsu

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    I relentlessly and often pointlessly try to make logical sense out of what I observe around me as if I’m a space alien. That is my mission on this earth.