Regina George: A Case of Closetation and Compulsory Heterosexuality

In which I, the biggest advocate for the Homosexual Agenda convince you all of what was hidden in plain sight: Regina George [Mean Girls, 2004,] Queen Bee; Fashion Icon and Influencer was a raging homosexual, forced to hide and loathe this part of herself because of our good ole’ friend, compulsory heterosexuality.

My theory first took shape in 2018 as a tweet and I forgot about it; until recently while on the phone with a friend I spent an animated half-hour presenting my case.

It’s now time to put this on paper as my contribution to some Pride Positive media as June comes to an end. As a film and theatre student, I’d like to think I have some sort of edge on how certain theories can be read into films, even if whatever is applied (and sometimes proven) was never intended by the director or screenwriter.

I’ve already seen Mean Girls used as a case study for Dictatorship. So what’s one more analysis using Compulsory Heterosexuality?

Mean Girls was a masterpiece that has provided us with our era-specific quotes, memes and fashion prerogatives and above all, a culturally binding classic that will define our childhoods/adolescences forever.

When I was younger, I was captivated by Cady — for her sweetness, wit, charm and also for the fact that she was played by Lindsay Lohan who forever has my heart for her stellar performance on The Parent Trap.

As I grew older, my focus shifted to Regina George who, let’s face it, is the star of the show. She is the girl you hate to love and love to hate.

Here are some things about Regina George: she’s mean, manipulative, deceptive, rich [read, classist] and uses her beauty as social capital to further wreck havoc on anyone who gets in her way. We can acknowledge that she is a horrible person on moral grounds but, she is also a victim of the cis hetero-patriarchal society she lives in.

In this society, she has to perform heterosexuality in order to be safe and avoid ostracisation. The premise of this entire theory is that Regina George is attracted to Cady and her “feud” with her happens not because she’s mad at Cady for liking Aaron because she wants him for herself; but because she wants Cady for herself.

Her attraction is shrouded in so much aggression due to her being closeted as a result of compulsory heterosexuality and she terrorises Cady to keep herself in check — meaning she won’t be caught dead expressing her desire for Cady and risk being cast as an outsider after all the hard work she has done to maintain her Queen Bee status.

So without further ado, here is my prized theory:

On Wednesdays, We Wear Pink

Regina George is the epitome of Beauty perfected by money: she wears designer clothes, has clear skin, well-kept nails, a strict and expensive diet and money for cosmetic surgery.

With her love for the colour pink, skirts, dresses, heels and the Spring Fling Queen Crown — she is the image of the high-feminine lesbian. Feminine lesbians perform a few important functions in their presentation of femininity:

1. They are protected in the general public because they are perceived as heterosexual women (read, the girly-girl aesthetic). Clothes are a significant marker of gender and assumed sexual orientation in our society and feminine lesbians cleverly render themselves invisible to the homophobic eye that seeks to harass and stigmatise masculine lesbians who are hypervisible in their performance of masculinity and masculine aesthetics.
2. They perform femininity for other women and derive pleasure from it. Regina George had the luxury of being admired by women in a way that was more intense than men’s attention. Men’s desire for Regina ended on the sexual plane, whereas women’s desire was all-encompassing. The girls at Regina’s school were so enamoured of her that they copied her style and voted her for Spring Fling Queen every single year. Although the girls’ attention was in no way romantic or sexual — it’s more significant because they wanted to be near her at all times, win her approval and be her. As a lesbian, Regina would’ve loved her influence of the women-population and would’ve welcomed the fixation they all had for her; especially Cady because although she could never be with her in a romantic sense, Cady came after her with everything she had.

Boo, You Whore

Throughout the film, Regina is seen as a master seductress towards men and a sexually liberated woman. Regina’s interaction with men was not based on a genuine desire to be with them, but to perform her heterosexuality.

Because Regina had the title of Queen Bee she not only had to look the part but had to act the part, and act it well.

What would be a better way of maintaining her power than to have the hottest guy in school on her arm? Aaron is the perfect and only man suitable enough to maintain her public image.

She didn’t love him, which was why she cheated on him so easily and neither did she care for the other men she slept with. Regina understood that heterosexual sex is an integral component in maintaining power.

Many lesbians over the course of history and in today’s day have had to have sexual relations with men — and even marry men because their environment is hostile to homosexuality and it is thus integral to their survival to be with men.

Regina was able to be promiscuous because she saw sex (with men) as one big game which is why she used her sex appeal in her manipulation of the most desirable men and thus could wield power over the entire school. The girls in Regina’s school have been socialised to aspire to be desirable to men and if the most desirable group of men (athletes, jocks and all sportsmen) all have their eyes on Regina, everyone, directly and indirectly, follows her rule.

Why Were You Talking To Janis Ian?

It is an indisputable fact that Janis Ian is the evilest character in this entire movie. Regina was minding her popular business (I mean yes she was the reason Janis was ostracised in eighth grade but that was a century ago in teenage girl time) and found herself gaining weight, losing her gorgeous clear skin, her hot boyfriend, got hit by a bus and lost the crown because Janis used the naive new girl in her plan for revenge.

Regina and Janis are both villains in this story but compulsory heterosexuality played a huge role in their explosive relationship.

Grade 8 is the time when teenage girls are at the first stage of being integrated into society as women. The many rites of passage include having crushes on boys and where possible acquiring one’s first boyfriend. Those who don’t follow the herd mentality of their peers are labelled as “other” and are susceptible to bullying and other forms of exclusion. Janis Ian, her eccentric attitude and unorthodox gender performance began to be viewed as an outsider and thus had suspicions of lesbianism thrown at her.

It is possible that Regina George made the association of Lesbian = Other = Outcast. Her old-time friend Janis may have caused her great discomfort because she forced her to think about her own feelings towards other girls and simultaneously saw that it was not an acceptable thing. In her scapegoating Janis as a predatory lesbian and participating in bullying her for the rest of their school careers, Regina could be in denial about her sexuality for much longer and could also heap all of the shame and fear and internalised homophobia she had towards herself unto Janis — as a bid to purify herself completely from all things gay.

But You’re Like, Really Pretty

The moment Cady caught Regina’s attention, she was invited to hang out with The Plastics. This was a huge occasion as up until this point, The Plastics were a private three-woman clique. Regina was immediately enamoured of Cady and showered her with a level of interest she had yet to show anyone else.

Up until that point, Regina George had been able to keep herself safely tucked in the closet; but Cady forced her out of her dormancy because she was so attractive that Regina wanted to keep her close. Cady had access to Regina’s secrets, money, time and attention which can be read as classic wooing as Regina allowed Cady to see parts of her that the rest of the school body will never see.

Regina could not verbally confess her feelings, nor could she overtly express her attraction, so she had to resort to homoerotic and discrete shows of affection. When she found out that Cady had a crush in Aaron, she was slighted because Regina had already given up a lot in order to maintain her perfect life.

She wasn’t willing to lose Cady to a man, especially Aaron and that was what motivated her to get back together with him. If she and Aaron were together, Aaron couldn’t be with Cady and it enabled her to keep a hold of her power and full access to her new crush without any interference.

And that folks, is my theory. Happy Pride Month to my LGBTQ+ angels, you’re all so beautiful and wonderful and I love and celebrate you.