How to start cribbing better?

Well cribbing about things from the bottom of the heart really works! Just try it and you’ll know. It just makes me feel so happy at times. Like saying fuck you to people openly as if I now have the confidence in me to do better. It really works. Helps me become a better person in general. But there are things to remember while cribbing. Well so here’s a step by step guide to embrace cribbing as a habit and hobby in your life in the most tasteful as well as healthy manner where the people around you are hurt the least. And this will also make your cribbing experience more satisfying than before and you will have no guilt to take back with you. But before that let’s define a word called Crib. It will be a noun defining the entire rant that you do while cribbing. This new word now opens up door for Crib as an art that people prepare for and present. It makes cribbing a consolidated structure. So now are you ready for those rules? Here they go:

Rule #1 : Before cribbing in public, demo your crib in private
As funny as it may sound and as difficult it may look to time such a private one before going public, cribs presented in such a manner will give the best results out to people as well as you. Also, it will help you keep your point rock solid before the audience and lead to a healthy output and understanding of your reason to crib. What you exactly need to do is to crib in private as badly as you want. (you can even sip some alcohol (or whatever drives you to crib) at the start to get you in the proper mood.) Once the whole deadly crib of yours is complete, you get back to thinking how justifiable each point in your crib was. Well it should not be difficult, don’t get back to each point but just visit the last one and once you are a little calm try to see how much you still feel is justified as per the last point of your crib. If it feels x% justified, just remember to tone down your crib that you just did in private to at least x% before going down in public. This will ensure the crib is smooth as fuck and leaves less doubt to question.

Secondly you also get to rehearse a few points. It’s very difficult to rehearse a crib. Really! I mean it isn’t an essay that you have prepared well before time, a crib is supposed to be an uncontrolled talk with probably no ends or stop. It may just go on. So it leaves less room to keep points in mind, but yet sometimes consolidating a few should help. This will ensure that it gives a soothing feel at the end to your audience. And you leave the room without a sense of guilt like a fucking boss. Are you ready to crib?

Rule #2: Before cribbing, in your head just define a few limits
Yes. Keeping some limits defined can strengthen your crib and in turn your persona before the people. For example, before starting, clearly define the amount of time you will take to crib around, person/people you are looking to crib at for the moment and people/topics you should probably leave for the next crib, people present in the audience who you should not include in your current crib and amount of nuts you can go in the given conditions viz. place and environment. This is a must do thing. It ensures that you don’t leave a room to fuck up in between your rant and be guilt free at the end which is the main motive we want to achieve from this article. In some friendly conditions, you can even clearly state the limits at the start to ensure full attention of your audience as well as a to the point crib.

Rule #3: During crib ensure that you chip in with your funny side up.

Cribbing experience is the most important thing that drives your audience to stay with you till the end. Your cribbing should ensure that it entails the need for such an experience. And the best way to keep your crib entertaining is by keeping your funny side up. Like with each taunt you make over the person, try to go a little cheeky at times with some very deadly comments that can probably make the person you are cribbing about hold the chair up and just bang it right on your face. That mad! This will not only give you an immense pleasure inside but also make sure that the cribbing experience for audience was upto the mark. Cribbing is one of the best ways to socialise and such an experience will make sure that they let you crib again soon and maybe ask you to crib together more often. Three cheers to cribbing!!

Rule #4: However well you may have cribbed, don’t forget to end it with a disclaimer
Yeah exactly. The disclaimer that everyone forgets to garnish the crib with at the end. It can just make you end up presenting yourself as a gentleman that just went away with the wind, out of his comfort zone to entertain people as well as to show the emotional side of him. This will help you sustain for a longer time at the restaurant you were cribbing at and lead to a soothing end and also leave a room for healthy discussion or maybe another crib so that anyone can correlate and feel confident to continue the session with another crib. This will also set you up as a opening crib master and then help you control the cribbing sessions in future unless of course someone has already taken the lead in which case you will be termed as an equal and be applauded for better.

Rule #5 : Always end your crib with constructive suggestions to the peers
This isn’t mandatory but constructive suggestions help end the conversation on such a high note that probably only Snoop Dogg can compete with. Jokes aside, I really think it is a very useful parameter of your crib. This defines the quality of your crib and you as a person. A person who can crib and also suggest constructively at the end defines the level of smartness and humanity he/she has achieved with time. So for example, you can end up saying that all those affected by so and so person should be gathered around and subjected to a Self Help Group who can cope up with the devastation he/she has filled in their lives. Such a suggestion has now put you right up into the driver’s seat from where you can now emotionally drive a whole set of people towards a better world. Such constructive suggestions will show how evolved you have become as a person even after facing the issues concerning the crib all along. This clearly reflects the maturity and understanding in you that you have cultivated with time.

Cribbing is a necessity. Cribbing about workplace and bosses are the most common kind. But cribbing exists all around, even with your family, with your friends, with your buddies and sometimes even with your enemies over any topic/person. Close or far. The topic can be anything. It can even be your wife/kid that you otherwise love more than anything in your world. But you can’t deny, that cribbing makes you feel satisfactory and makes you a better and complete person eventually. Cribbing is a healthy activity. Cribbing is fun. Start cribbing now! Happy cribbing!

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