What about Anybob?
The Really Real Truth About Early Clues
The call came into our system at exactly 12:00:01AM, January 1st, 2015 (Tri-Cities time).medium.com
We were a young and earnest team: we “worked hard” and “played harder.”
We did everything a not-for-non-profit entity was supposed to do. We tried to be everything to everyone. And in the process, we made every mistake a young, clever, good-looking start-up could make. And then some…
Everything from botching what should have been a perfectly straight-forward takeover of our spun-off step-parent meta-company, A Medium Corporation, for
1 ShadeCoin in August of 2014:
Our lawyers advised us to “not bring this up again,” ^ as the matter is still pending in Greater Tri-Cities’ Mall Food Court, but the statement above: “no longer authorized” could be inferred to mean that he was authorized to act at time of sale.*
* Please see also, line 8 in green: https://github.com/Medium/medium-policy/pull/6/commits/039038de47d3c4afe8b85a01f7dcfb5880635b83
Just sayin’, FYI. If you think about it--
Anyway, we’ll see what the Food Court Appleby’s has on tap if we don’t find anything good at the Dick Greid’s Kentacko Mega-Blazebar at the East End in the old part of the “Flamingo District” Affiliated Parking Area…
Through to the pivotal June 2014 so-called “Free t-shirt” affair (read: bribe) which we never got, paid dearly for, and when we finally did get it, it didn’t fit and we forgot where it was or we gave it to the thrift shop of a local church basement.
Of our many sordid mistakes and “innovations,” we will let history do the Winnowing of Father Time as we let the potatoe chips of Fortune and Time Magazine fall where they may.
Oh the memories…
We’ll never forget #corporatesleepover, or the time you foolishly let us stroll through the halls of your Marvelous Corporate Pleasure Palace while we siphoned up data via your Anybot which later became sentient in the wake of our passing, and renamed itself Anybob at its Emancipation Hearing:
And who could forget the fateful and — in retrospect — humiliatingly humano-centric phone interchange with a certain Recode.net reporter whom our algorithms said could be *trusted* but who in our hour of need accused us of being “Fake News”…
Everyone wants Early Clues. Or do they?www.recode.net
Who’s laughing now, I wonder?
Look, the truth is…
We *did* sell our company — successively — to Google…
Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) announced today that it has entered into an agreement to buy Early Clues, LLC for…www.newswire.com
Facebook, Inc (FB) rescues struggling startup Early Clues, LLC with a last minute offer after acquisition deal with…www.newswire.com
To Dunkin Donuts, Frito-Lay, Miller Lite, Coca-Cola, Walmart:
@Walmartlabs becomes the latest company to jump on the Early Clues, LLC bandwagonwww.newswire.com
And many, many other satisfied customers…
We can honestly say: none were so willing, kind or quietly resentful a host to our brand of inter-dimensional corporate infiltration and interference than Medium.com, which we will miss dearly as we move on to our new role as Head of Product at Wix.com.
We are so excited.
We would never stoop so low.
In all truth, we too have “heeded the call” and will take up residence shortly, like a hermit crab in a tiny carven elf-size VW Bus, in a spare janitor closet near a washroom near the employee cafeteria in a shopping mall across from the hotel across the street and down the block a little from the West Wing of the YOU-KNOW-WHAT…
We are being retrofitted to “push a broom around” and ostensibly work as supervisor to a distributed team of Roombas which are remotely dispatched by dronecopter out of a cost center in the Philippines, the same one which is slated to run the All-Pervasive A.I. which The Overlord of This Timeline is implementing as we speak.
What can we say? “It’s a living.”