It was a crush, it was infatuation.
There was nothing to love in you. It was never worth it. You were no more than a pretty looking girl with no more to give. You were just great at hiding it.
You know how I know? Because you left. You tried so hard to hide the fact that you had nothing else than a pretty face. You fought against me. You showed me anger, you showed me frustration. You did it without even knowing.
It felt unfinished. It felt disturbing to leave it as it is. And I tried. You thought it was because I was weak. This was your game, and you kept feeling yourself stronger.
A confident person would have stayed. A real person would have faced it. But it takes courage to do that. Real courage.
So here we are.
My heart stopped beating to you. You stabbed me once, and that wasn’t enough. You tried your chance a second time, but I saw the blade you were carrying.
You’ve made me more aware than ever. You’ve shown me the tricks that are out there. You’ve shown me how decieving people can be. And how prone I was to being decieved.
Now there’s nowhere to hide.
Your insecurities are out and your mask is down. Whether you want to accept it or not. Maybe there will be other guys who will believe in you. Others that you can fool.
And you don’t know the rest. You don’t know that there’s more than you can imagine out there. You don’t know that the ones who manipulate end up with the ones that are choiceless. There is more to this game than you could ever accept.
I was naive the first time. I was kind. I should’ve wised up. I stayed kind and tried being selfless even for the second time. But it wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to play on.
You were a crush and I was a target, that’s all.
You didn’t care, and I still tried. That was my biggest mistake. I shouldn’t be the one making you realise what’s going on. I thought it was a kind thing to do. It wasn’t. It was a foolish thing to believe. It wouldn’t have worked out anyways.
You were manipulative. I brought out the insecurities in you and you started feeling weak. I was reactionless, and it drove you more and more frustrated. Eventually, I fell for your game. And then you started thinking you were the winner of this pointless game. Well, tell you what.
I’m gone, for good this time.
Like I left others before you. Like others left you. I tried, and I waited. I wore myself down and I let you vent your anger. I was patient. I was too patient for you to understand.
What happened wasn’t so much about me. I just happened to be the perfect target for you. I should’ve known.
Now, it’s about me.
And you know what’s the surprising part about it? This time, there isn’t someone else. I got over Redhead because you came along. This time, I’m getting over you not because someone came along, but for myself.
I will never kiss you again. I will never look in your eyes like we first did. Chances are, I will never talk to you. And frankly, it won’t be my concern this time.
For the first time in four months, it isn’t about you. This time, it is about me. It isn’t about how much you hurt me. It is about how much I got hurt. There are no more ‘you’s.
Goodbye E.
26.06.2015
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