I really don’t feel like writing today
But I’m going to anyway… The last three days have been cool because I wrote and published something each day which has been super difficult to even get started. Now I’m on a roll but today I just don’t feel like I’m rolling.
The thing is I’ve got a lot to say and a lot of insane stories to tell. I know that all I have to do is draw upon the craziness of my life experiences for inspiration and write.
But what about the really important things I want to express? Can that be written in a one day piece? I’m not trying to spend more than an hour a day writing. I have so many other things to do and writing won't be paying the bills anytime soon.
Now that I am three small paragraphs into this I’m feeling I could start writing about some of the things I intend to write about moving forward. These topics could take me a long time to get around to. There is a lot in the back of my mind I know one day I want to take action towards expressing.
Here are some of those things:
ADHD and Tourette’s Syndrome; Yeah I was diagnosed with both at the age of nine years old and trust me it’s super hard growing up as a kid with this stuff. Now I’m 34 and guess what? These alternative programs to the norm still exist within me and are not going away ever. I’m just now learning through therapy that I need to learn how to manage it as an adult. Especially the ADHD, it really affects me and makes life harder especially with social situations and work life. The Tourette’s is definitely a pain, I’m so tired of having to explain my noises to co-workers and people who don't know me. The uncontrollable tics also hurt sometimes with how frequent they can be, It can be physically and mentally draining. But these inconveniences are also blessings and a huge part of what makes me unique. I don’t how my girlfriend puts up with it, she must really love me. I’ll probably be writing more about life with these conditions in the future.
My Failure With Internet Marketing; not only that but my repeat failures that consist of a broad variety of failing in multiple ventures. The effort spanned over years in a desperate attempt to not be a struggling poor person in this world designed to suppress the majority of us. I bought wholeheartedly into certain things that I thought could change the world, free people, and send us all towards a world of abundance. In the end, I was scammed and through marketing these platforms I was scamming others without even realizing it because my intentions were always good. Through that my family, friends looked at me differently, negatively and that's scarred me to this day. Ultimately I wanted to help the world but the truth was I could never help myself. I poured years of my life and thousands of dollars into a few ideas that never amounted to much but an experience. An experience I sometimes regret, I wish I had put my energy towards different things in my twenties but it happened the way it happened. I hope one day I’ll understand what that was meant to truly teach me.
The Scars of Social Media; this topic is somewhat tied to the previous because I made a complete idiot of myself looking back with all the internet marketing crap I was hyping all over social media. It’s also tied to my ADHD and inability to pick up on social cues. I dislike being direct messaged on social media because it makes me feel weird. If I don't respond I feel bad, If someone else doesn't respond I feel bad too. I put myself out there in a post and it doesn't get enough likes and somehow I feel that reflects myself my self-worth, I feel like crap. Certain platforms are way too invasive, especially Facebook which I now refer to as Disgracebook. The older I get I realize a lot of people I’ve met throughout the years, a lot I’ve partied with, and somehow ended up as Facebook friends, they aren't my real friends. You could also call it Fakebook, because there are a bunch of fake-ass people posting how great their lives are. This has the effect of making others feel like shit because they compare themselves (I’m guilty of this) and the truth is it’s all bullshit. Keeping these connections doesn't serve me and adds to a pull I feel from others. I don’t enjoy feeling energetically pulled at all. It disturbs me how friend requests will show up from people I haven’t seen in 5 or 10 years that I truly never want to see again or even think of again. When that request shows up they immediately enter my mental space. I recently unfriend over 80% of my friend's lists because they are irrelevant to my life. I also changed my last name to something no one would know and I still get people coming from the woodwork. I’m leaning now more than ever towards the permanent deletion of my Facebook.
So those are some topics I’m looking to write about in the future. It’s crazy how less than 30 minutes ago I had a block. I did not want to write, but I sat down are started hitting that keyboard within a dozen sentences I had an idea where I was going and started to pour it out. Now I have some basis to go back to for future writings.
So what do you think? Should I keep writing? Are these topics I should explore further? Let me know in the comments, please leave a clap and Follow Me Here On Medium.
BTW, I make wearable art too! Check it out on Instagram @Ruzindla.wraps