I had a realization today, it goes like this…
“You’ll never achieve what you are striving for if you don’t spend the time and energy to take care of yourself.”
I was hit with this realization just hours ago and now those exact words are written on a post-it note at my desk.
Ever since I was laid off for COVID-19 I feel I’ve been blessed with an opportunity to set myself free once and for all. I’m using this time to focus as hard as I can to work towards creating enough regular income so that I may never have to trade my life to a job again. This requires discipline and know-how to achieve this result.
Today I felt like I was running out of time. The resources I have will run out and I will once again be forced into societal slave labor of the workforce to survive in this world. If I can escape the hamster wheel to pour myself into more fulfilling human endeavors I believe I will be living the life I’m truly meant to.
It was a mental place, a place of lack, a place of disbelief in myself, a place of I wasn’t doing enough, and the feeling I would never amount to much. One of my fears is that I’ll never be free and I’ll always be working towards it. In the last 2 months, I’ll wake up with getting to my computer on my mind. I’ve been meditating daily the last 29 days but I’m still wanting to get to my computer and start doing the things I’m trying to do as soon as I can.
I don’t have a desire to feed myself, I want to work towards my freedom. So I don't eat as often or as much as I should be. I’ll cut corners and spend hours in front of the computer.
I’ll make progress but after about 3 or 4 hours my brain stops working as efficiently and the gusto I had that morning is fleeting. Just watching a simple video to learn something becomes a huge chore. I begin to feel like I’m not doing enough and fear I’m destined for societal slavery for the rest of my life. Trading one's life to the workforce appears to be the fate of so many and I feel my life depends on seeking a way out, finding a way out, and staying out. The worst fate I could imagine is being stuck for the rest of my years trying to be free and never achieving that freedom. When I start spinning my wheels I feel my life slipping through my fingers.
Where I’ve had it all wrong is that I’ve been making this ambiguous achievement of freedom and the things I believe will take me there my #1 priority every single day. Functioning in this way is only getting me so far with minimal progress and I’m realizing I will never achieve anything great if I continue this way.
I have to make taking care of myself my #1 priority.
That was it, that was my realization. Nothing great will ever come from an unbalanced, and unhealthy work-a-holic. The human being can only handle so much at a time. So today I stepped back, made some food, and did some yoga after realizing I was getting nowhere. Now I’m seeing much more clearly.
Tomorrow and the days to come will be different.
My computer world is now my #2 priority and some days I might even make it #3. It’s not about the quantity of effort you put into something, it’s about the quality. So my mind, body, and overall health are now the #1 focus. If you attempt a large quantity of work with only crappy tools you’ll end up with crappy results.
Our minds and bodies are the greatest tools we as humans have. If they are in poor shape then we can only expect poor results. So tomorrow begins with sharpening my tools and being okay with that investment of time and energy. The quality of my work will greatly improve as I improve the quality of my overall well being and that is now my#1 priority.
If you’re like me, please remember to go easy on yourself.
Thanks for reading,