Preparing Kids to Visit a Dying Family Member
What do we say? How do we act? To lie or not to lie? So many questions when it comes to our young children having to learn about death and dying. I think this is the reason as adults we fear the subject of death like we do. We want to shield our kids from pain and anxiety. we want life to be wonderful and happy for them at all costs. Is it right for us not to tell them their Aunt Rosie won’t be here in a few months? I don’t believe it is.
I believe by surrounding our kids with plastic bubble wrap only makes it harder for them to adjust to things as they get older. Asking the questions and feeling the emotions when younger, will give them knowledge and the ability to deal with the many fearful experiences thrown at them later on in life.
Death is scary and uncomfortable to talk about. It can be much easier not taking them to visit, especially if it’s in a hospital or hospice. Think twice about this. Taking them will help to understand that death is natural and a normal part of our lives. Your children are learning invaluable lessons right now in watching how you behave and react to these situations. They are sponges soaking up every move you make whether it’s a good or bad experience in life.
This is a great opportunity to teach them about death and dying. It will give them a chance to say goodbye, lovingly. It will provide a sense of closure that they would never have had if you kept them away. Communication and honesty are key. Talk about things. Listen and answer questions now. As parents we are here to raise the most loving and humble beings that we can. Here is your opportunity to teach them about a big one, the biggest milestone we will all reach one day.
Be clear in your mind, how you will guide and talk them through this. Be honest about your own fears and worries. Assure them that your family will get through this together. Ask them what they would like to do to express their love and say their goodbye. Children have lot’s of creative ideas, go with it. It’s healing for you as well. They could draw, leave recordings, personal photo albums to gift, or just a pretty card. Let them express what works for them.
When you visit, plan ahead. How long will you stay? Use our indoor voices. Practice kindness in a sensitive situation. This will be a very frightening time for them. Assure with love and confidence that everything is OK, we are all born into the world and one day, we will all leave.
Most importantly, have an open heart. Keep the dialogue open. Reference stories, there are so many books you can read regarding this subject. Use examples of your own stories and experiences as well. If you take away the fear that you may have suffered as a child, it will only insure that they will be more confident, filled with love and warm to every passing they encounter as adults. You can help them now, don’t miss this opportunity.