Raising pro-Asian Asian daughters
by hong_shao_rou
edited by natalie_ng, KenzoBakuizo
The prevalence of Lu-ism has inflicted a gaping wound on the Asian community by creating a huge divide between Asian men and Asian women. The high out-marriage rate among Asian women in diaspora shows how problematic it has gotten. What kind of message and image are we sending to young Asian girls when Asian female activists that date and marry out continue to be the voice of our community? This wound will not heal overnight and neither is it possible nor worth it to “save” the women that have adopted such a mentality. But with the right kind of upbringing and political awareness, there is hope for future generations. Let’s talk about how to best prevent this Lu mentality in the first place.
I have noticed several important characteristics of strong minded Asian females in my life.
The first is having a positive Asian male role model in their life as they’re growing up. For one girl, it was her father. He was a patient and encouraging influence, and they spent a lot of time together when she was a kid and he left many positive memories. This is evidenced by her bringing him up in conversations. For example, once when talking about a particular electronic device, she brought up how her dad loves building things and how cool it was to watch as a kid. Clearly, this left a lasting impression on her, and today she tends to associate proactive behavior with her father. Small comments like this also showed her appreciation for him. With so much anti Asian male imagery around us, it was important for her to have such a role model in her life. Because if a negative remark about Asian males is thrown at her, she can easily look to her dad as a counterexample to know said comment doesn’t make sense. Also, when it comes to parenting, it’s important to communicate and maintain a strong relationship between parent and child. The girl I mentioned had parents who spent a lot of time with her but also didn’t spoil her.
The second is that these women are outside of the American left/right paradigm. Ever notice how Asian female activists (e.g. Jenn Fang, Erin Chew, and Constance Wu) tend to fully embrace liberal politics and essentially buy into leftist/conservative political theater? They have essentially taken white feminist language and blanketly applied it to Asian males. This is done without regard to the fact that white feminism is a reaction to white male misogyny, and that the dynamics between western born Asian men and women are different. That said, the strong Asian females I mentioned tend to look at things logically, without regarding the above mentioned political charade. That is not to say they do not have political opinions. They understand affirmative action hurts Asians like them, so they are against it. They outright prefer being around other Asians, male and female, without a hint of shame to “diversify” their group. And they aren’t afraid to voice their opinions on non-Asians in front of others, even if negative in tone.
Another characteristic I noticed is that these Asian women regularly consumed media from Asia growing up and continue to do so. They all had crushes on several Asian male singers and actors, eschewing whichever non-Asian Hollywood star their classmates were enamored with. This is a strong sign that they prefer Asian men and are relatively immune from “white is right” brainwashing. Another advantage of Asian media is that Asian females are depicted much more positively than in western media and are portrayed right alongside Asian men. Asian media will more likely portray them as being strong, independent women who have minds of their own (e.g. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon as a famous example). This is in contrast to the typical WMAF/XMAF trope seen in Hollywood where an Asian woman can only be shown when she is paired up with a non-Asian male. In the end, these women associate positive characteristics of a potential partner with Asian males, which will lead to a healthy mindset.
These experiences and traits are not to be taken on their own; rather, combining them leads to the best possible chance at avoiding Lu-ism. The women I referred to are all second generation Asian Americans, and a further step should be taken to ensure future generations will also be pro-Asian. Apoliticism is widespread amongst Asian Americans, and this can potentially lead to having a Lu mentality. If you’re pro-Asian but aren’t very politically aware or active then you’re not going to know much about Asian issues. Going further, you also won’t know how to raise your children to navigate and survive the hostile environment they’re going to grow up in. The chance of your daughter/son becoming a Lu/Chan is dangerously high in this case. An example of communicating these thoughts is by educating them on fun Asian legends and history as well as discussing racism early on while the children are still young. This way, they don’t become brainwashed into thinking whites and other non-Asians can do no wrong. Ideally the parents should talk about their own experiences with racism to hammer the point home.
In addition to having strong and proud pro-Asian parents, it would also help that Asian girls have positive Asian female public figures to look up to — Asian female activists that stand by Asian men, are with Asian men, and put the Asian community above any personal gain. In the end, by knowing the political/social landscape and how the media operates, you can better protect your children and younger relatives from problematic/anti-Asian content. This is especially important to ensure the continuity of strong minded Asian Americans in the future.
In conclusion, raising confident, secure Asian children in the west is, indeed, tricky. This is especially more so when taking into consideration the amount of brainwashing by western media and by western society in general that is geared towards Eurocentricism and setting whites as the gold standard in every aspect of life (family, beauty, culture, etc…). However, much of it can be avoided by proper upbringing, such as spending more time with the children, educating the children on their ancestral culture and history so that they can learn to appreciate it, communicating with them on your own experiences as an Asian in the west, exposing them to media where Asians ARE portrayed positively, and introducing them to Asian role models who are genuinely pro-Asian. These role models should not consist of those who are mostly focused on pushing the agenda of non-Asian groups under the guise of Asian activism. If such role models are hard to come by, then BE said role model yourself. Be the change you want to see for our future generations.
