My journey out of Evangelical Christianity

… and into a new kind of faith.

I feel it’s necessary that at this point in my life I stop delaying the inevitable and “come out”. I don’t even know how I begin to give a coherent description of my spiritual journey the past 3–4 years, but it’s necessary that I start it somewhere. Some people have known about this spiritual transition I’ve been going through in my life for some time as I’ve written about it before. Some have supported me, others have not and have caused a lot of pain. All of those experiences have been necessary for me in my growth as a man.

I don’t plan to go in depth on every theological question/existential dilemma that I’ve had over the last few years here in one single post, but rather dedicate a post/video to each singular point over an extended period of time so that healthy dialogue can be created and we can get more nuanced, because none of this is simple.

Before I go into a brief summary of my journey, I want to preface by saying that 1. I’m not doing all of this because I feel like I “owe” an explanation to anyone. I’m doing it to liberate myself and because of the people who I know care about me and have my best interests at heart and want to know how I’m doing. And 2. I believe that by sharing my story of transition, it can help others who may be in a similar position as I am but are too afraid to speak about it because of what it may mean for them, and for people who have sensed the same conclusions that I have come to but haven’t found a clear way to communicate what’s happening in their hearts.

I am a Christian. I still hold to that title proudly. I believe in the transformative power of Jesus and the unlimited grace that he extends to EVERYONE. I would also consider myself Agnostic (By the way, I hate titles but I will admit that they are helpful for many individuals in understanding where to place things, so I’ll use them here). I don’t know everything about God, nor do I have the answers to everything, and some days I wake up and wonder if “He-She-It” even exists. However, I don’t believe my moments of doubt to be a sign of spiritual weakness or blasphemy on my part, I see it as an indication of spiritual and intellectual honesty about what’s really going on inside of me. Some might believe Christianity and Agnosticism to be mutually exclusive, but that’s not how I see it. I believe anyone who’s honest with themselves has had moments or extended periods of time where they’ve questioned some things or maybe everything.

I’ve never really given any serious consideration to Atheism because I’ve always believed that something exists in our midst beyond what we can see or hear. For me, it’s been more of a process of figuring out what that “something” is because the theological framework that I used to have no longer worked for the honest questions and concerns that I’ve had. I’ve let go of the precise, clean, and often times rigid forms of doctrine that I used to subscribe to a few years ago.

I am no longer apart of what many call “evangelical” Christianity. It’s not that I don’t like the title, it’s more so that what I feel like it represents is something I can no longer align myself with, so it would be misleading to place myself under that sect of Christianity and be a false representation. I don’t want to spend too much time on the various points of disagreement I have with evangelicalism because I would rather spend more time on what I do believe, but I will say that for me, that lane of Christianity is embedded in a lot more problematic platonic/western philosophical ideas than many realize or would care to admit. I don’t have a problem with anyone who subscribes to the evangelical end of the spectrum, there are many amazing people I know who are evangelicals, I just have not been able to reconcile the challenges that I have with it. For the sake of a labels, you can call me a Progressive Christian.

As I continue on to more of what I believe, I think it’s important to note that this journey of mine has not been with me on an island figuring things out all by myself the whole time. It’s been numerous conversations and debates with other people as well trying to flesh out what’s really going on and what’s really true. I know for sure that I’m not alone in where I stand right now.

To keep it short, here’s a “Statement of Faith” so to speak that I can stand by confidently at the moment.

I believe God is here dwelling among us in every aspect of our lives, and I believe God interacts with us in very concrete ways that we miss most of the time.

I believe that God is not afraid of our doubt.

I believe God doesn’t discriminate in who He loves and whom He chooses to use to bring the “kingdom” to the earth with. That includes people of other faith traditions other than Christianity. That also includes people who are of no professing faith at all and choose not to credit their work to Him.

I believe God is less concerned about the proclamation of His name and more concerned about the doing of His work.

I believe there’s truth to be found anywhere we look and often in the least likely of places.

I believe that Heaven is not a distant disembodied reality in the sky, I believe it’s here amongst us and we’re partners in creating it.

I believe that Hell is not a distant disembodied reality below us, but rather the absence of God, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. These are all things that we experience here in this life, and perhaps in another when we choose habits of death instead of life.

I believe that sin is real and it has real consequences. When we make destructive choices, we are condemned not by God, but by the consequences of those choices until we choose to change our ways. Sin is a dark force in the world that we see all around us and it’s effects are tragic.

I believe that God is not concerned with us having all the right theological ideas about Him, but rather concerned about our effort in loving our fellow man and working to create peace on earth.

I believe that salvation happens when we realize that we are incomplete without a union with God and that we’re capable of much greater work when we die to our egos and allow Spirit to work through us. I also believe that God doesn’t save us from God, but rather from ourselves and our destructive tendencies.

I believe that God is not concerned with who we love, but that we love. This means that people of the LGBTQ community can be in communion with God as well. I don’t claim to have a full understanding on the topic of sexuality, but I do not believe that our orientation defines us as human beings.

I believe that the bible is an amazing and divinely inspired book for the truth seeker to understand the relationship between God and humanity throughout history and what the results of that relationship have looked like. I believe the bible must be approached carefully because of how easily it can be misunderstood and misused. I also believe that because it’s been written by humans through a wide range of time, it has human errors (because humans aren’t perfect). However, I don’t see those errors as an issue, I see them as an indicator that God speaks through broken vessels. I don’t believe it to be perfect in the sense of inerrancy, but I do believe it to be very sacred and important for spiritual growth.

I believe that when we love and serve the less fortunate and the marginalized, we are loving and serving God.

I believe that we can trust our own unique experiences and what we perceive to be an experience of God. The biblical authors trusted theirs (ex. Moses and the burning bush).

There’s probably more that I’m leaving out, but those are the main ideas I’ve been wrestling through over last few years. As I stated earlier, over the next few months I’ll go more in depth with written essays and videos dedicated to each bolded point above so that some discussion can be created from them, and for those who may not understand to have some better clarity on how I’ve come to those conclusions. I’m not claiming to have all of the answers or everything figured out by any means and that has humbled me a great deal. To be honest, I feel less sure of a lot of things now than ever before, but that fact has led me into a much stronger sense of faith. Faith in knowing that, even though I don’t know, I can trust someone who does and I can trust the process.

I understand that many who’ve read all that I’ve written may be upset with me, concerned for me, or a mix of the two. Some may not even believe that I can still call myself a Christian while coming to some of the conclusions I’ve presented. I only have one simple response, I understand. I understand because at many points in my life I’ve been in the same position in regards to other individuals that I cared about and have had their best interest at heart. I know what it’s like to feel like someone is taking a bad turn and the majors concerns that I had with that. I personally feel like this is where God is leading me and a lot of others, but if you do feel that I’m in error, pray for me before anything else. Pray that the truth will continue to be revealed. Until then, we can respectfully and lovingly disagree.

I also understand that there may be others who are Christians and can identify with all that I’ve said above but have never told anyone. I want you to know that 1. You’re not alone because me and many many others have progressively landed into the same place spiritually. and 2. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m not saying that there won’t be any pain in the process, I went through a lot, but it will only make you stronger and provide more joy in the long run. Step out.

All are welcome to participate in ongoing process with me, let’s walk.