If you’ve never been to a Korean Spa…

Elizabeth T Beheler
Sep 8, 2018 · 2 min read

So I had a case of end-of-Summer rhinoceros skin and thought a trip to the Korean spa was in order. If you’ve never been to a Korean spa, allow me to paint you a picture…

You start with a shower, soak, and steam. There are lots of naked women walking around. It’s not nearly as sexy as it sounds, trust me.

You get called back by a lady in a bathing suit and lay on a table where she proceeds to scrub several layers of skin and some arm hair off of you. Also not as fun as it sounds.

Then she dumps buckets of hot water on you, coats you in oil, climbs on top you, and beats the crap out of you. Again, shockingly, not as much as it sounds.

Next she carefully paints goop all over your face, and if you think I dared ask her anything about what she was doing, you’re out of your mind so I don’t know what it was. Then she washes your hair really good. This is actually the most pleasant part since it doesn’t involve any pain.

Finally she slaps scalding towels on random parts of your body, without warning, rubs some of the oil off and pours milk/honey water on you. This one is exactly as fun as it sounds, which is to say it’s not much.

Lastly, your hair is twisted up into a magical towel configuration and you go to the Himalayan salt room, which is an accurately named room made of pink salt brick walls/floor that’s quite hot. You lay on the floor, rest your head on a wooden cradle, and reflect upon your experience with gratitude that you survived.

This is more of a “results-focused” spa and less about a nice, relaxing experience. It’s not for the spa novice or faint of heart or modest of skin. If you want to try it, consider going during the off peak hours of a weekday so you can bumble about like an ass with fewer people watching (yep, that’s experience talking). But for all the unpleasantness let me tell you this:

When you leave, your skin is baby soft and so bright and shiny that it glows in the freaking dark.

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