The definitive way to change your life for the better. The difficult way, but the guaranteed fastest way.

Ephi Blanshey
Jul 22, 2017 · 10 min read

This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for quite some time. I didn’t feel like I had enough experience to discuss this in the past, and although I still have a lot of learning to do, I feel it’s something I can finally share. I will explain what “this” is, how it works, and what is has done for me.

This post is about finding a way, a path, to fulfillment that is truly universal to all people. It’s not a post that gives you a few ideas you can use to increase your productivity, your will power, or motivation. I won’t tell you to get up early every morning, get enough exercise, or to eat healthy. I’m not going to tell you the magical 10 things all successful people do that you need to do also. With so many actions you can take and so limited time, the question is, how can you know what you, personally, need to do in order to feel joyous, fulfilled, and at peace?

Everybody has varying degrees of issues they are dealing with: worries about the future, traumatic memories from the past, present problems with physical or mental health, insufficient finances, strenuous relationships, questions about what steps should be taken next, a job they hate, and fears concerning just about anything. This is normal; I’m no outlier.

How do most people deal with these issues? Just about everybody distracts themselves from them. They come home from work and watch TV. They go to the bar. They waste time on social media, watch YouTube videos, play games. They gossip about others’ and their life situations with their friends. They then go to sleep with increasingly vanishing hopes for a better tomorrow that never comes. And the saddest part is that many people eventually convince themselves that, because of these distractions, they are happy, because “hey, some parts of life suck, but at least I spend my time doing all these other fun things, right?” And so they numb themselves to the hurt, often to the point where they feel nothing is wrong. I’ll get it out of the way now: if you do not feel that you are leading a joyous, fulfilling life that makes you excited to get out of bed every morning, you are not happy. You are deceiving yourself.

The answers and guidance you seek can be found, paradoxically, in and beyond the actual problems you face. The key, then, is to look as closely as you can at all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that rise up within you that you have until heretofore run away from. Let me explain.

Every time an uncomfortable feeling crops up within us, such as anxiety, fear, confusion, or sadness, we push the feeling away, suppress it so as to make it go away. After all, it’s difficult to face those kinds of emotions; they are unpleasant. Unfortunately, instead of making those things go away, they only accumulate within us. Thus, as time goes on, a continuous stream of distractions are required to keep us at a baseline mood we consider “acceptable”. Take away those distractions, and we are forced to cope with that which we don’t want to face, and we can’t have that, can we? This holds true for just about everyone, though it is often difficult to recognize. We can’t blame ourselves, though. We’ve been taught to do so ever since we were children. Stop crying. Don’t be angry. Turn that frown upside-down. God forbid you should allow your negative emotions to be expressed — keep them inside!

I am now inviting you, for the first time, to do the opposite: spend an hour, at minimum, every single day doing nothing but observing all thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they emerge. Only this time, do not push them away. Do not judge them. Just sit comfortably with your eyes closed and watch them. See what they are doing to you. Perhaps you may notice feelings of tension in the stomach, or the breath start getting quicker, shallower. The thoughts can be positive or negative, but it doesn’t matter. Whatever emerges from within does so because it wants to be seen — so let it be seen in a perfectly neutral, but loving way. Be no less considerate and patient with your inner “stuff” as you would when listening to a small child talk about her troubles.

There are no rules to follow. If you have a back problem or feel physical discomfort, stretch your legs out, stand up and stretch, do whatever you feel is necessary to continue the process. But as you take these physical actions, the process of watching what emerges does not stop.

This process of observance is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. Years of suppression has caused a pileup of “stuff” to pass through. Those first times you sit down to be observant, it will seem like all hell has broken loose. Fears, memories, worries, questions, everything will be flying at you from all directions. After all, this is the first time they’ve been given a chance to freely see the light of day, and believe me they will use the opportunity. Be brave. Be courageous. Sit with them, and allow all of them to simply be there. This does not mean to get caught up with them, but simply to see them, as if from a third person point of view. Any number or combination of responses may be elicited from you. You may want to cry, you may feel sad. And that’s okay. Do not resist, just let it be. After they’ve shown you all that they have to show you at that point in time, they will simply disappear, be released.

You will often notice that, despite your intention of observing the thoughts, they have unwittingly let them take you for a ride, forgetting that you are only supposed to see them, not get lost in them. But that’s okay — as soon as you realize it, become the simple witness again, and that thought will eventually pass away of its own accord — but let it stay as long as it wants! And after it passes there will be an emptiness, at least until the next thing arises.

Doing this for one hour is significant. Many people claim to have tried to meditate for 5–20 minutes, but gave up because they just “can’t concentrate” because of “all the stuff”. What do they mean by “can’t concentrate?” If they mean they get caught up with thoughts, well, that’s part of the process. Perhaps they hear stories about how much peace can be felt during meditation, and when thoughts are abound, they consider that as “not concentrating.” All that stuff is supposed to come up. For many people including myself, the first 15–45 minutes is spent “getting stuff out of the system.” After enough of the build-up has been released, the gaps between the thoughts and emotions start expanding. But you need to give yourself enough time to be given the opportunity to experience that, hence the one-hour minimum. Eventually, as you progress through your session, and days of observance go by, you will start noticing longer and longer periods of time in which you are just “there”. Finally, finally! There is no content, there are no distractions. There is simply being. And that is where the magic begins.

From these bursts of stillness come the answers, the guidance, the peace, and the joy. Now that your cup is empty, and thus receptive, it may be filled with information and true joy. It can come in many forms, depending on what you need at the time. It could be a new urge to do something. An answer to a question you had. They may come in the form of thoughts and feelings, but not of the usual kind. With practice, the characteristics between your mind’s thoughts and the thoughts that come from this place will become more distinguishable. For me, they usually come hand in hand with the feeling of freedom, lightness, excitement, or just feeling “right”, as felt in the heart area. It feels like guidance. It is always a positive feeling. As a rule of thumb, fear is always a product of the mind, never of the heart.

More rarely still, as the thoughts naturally become more infrequent, your breath will also naturally begin to slow to a point of near non-existence. And then a truly magical feeling of true joy and bliss will bubble up from within. You will be surprised. It’ll seemingly come out of nowhere. You will try to investigate to find a source, a reason, for the bliss, but you won’t find it. All you know is that you are smiling and giggling like an idiot. You are in a state of euphoria. You will then realize that this bliss is, in fact, your true nature, and that you don’t need a reason to experience it. You are the reason, because you exist, and that is a magical thing. You will open your eyes, look around you, and see beauty, perfection, and love for everything. You will experience what it feels like to have decades of mental baggage suddenly dropped from your shoulders, and see the world anew for the first time. It cannot be described in words.

Although I have felt this bliss only a handful of times, it has shown me that it is there. It has shown me my true nature, and whenever I recall it, it brings me back to it just that little bit more.

Getting in touch with my real self is the most important goal I have for myself. Ever since I’ve started doing the work of getting connected, my life has changed. I live a life that many consider a dream, and more people than I can remember have told me so. I have pushed my boundaries beyond anything I would have thought possible just 5 years ago. Over the last two years alone, I’ve lived the nomadic lifestyle, traveling all around the United States by bus, airplane, motorcycle, and now by car. I learned how to ride a motorcycle and bought one; I learned to fly hang gliders, accumulated 40 hours of flight time, and received an intermediate rating; I got my sport pilot certificate for ultralight trikes, with more than 35 hours logged; I’ve met so many incredible, kind people who have added so much to my experiences; in the meantime I’ve expanded my technical work skills tremendously, having the freedom to apply it wherever I feel called to.

I do not say this to boast. I’ve had, and still do, have my fair share of trials and tribulations to endure. But I do want to show what is possible if you stop ignoring or suppressing your thoughts and feelings, and look them dead in the eye. It is critical to understand that the external circumstances of my life, although favorable, are not my main source of happiness. There are, in fact, periods of days, sometimes weeks, that I have, for whatever reason, neglected my connection to my inner self by not meditating enough and being aware of what’s going on inside me. During such times (and I just came out of one today), mind-created fear and uncertainty creep in, internal guidance is lost, and all the actions I take morph into distractions rather than fulfillment. Although the actions may be the same as they were before, the result they have on me are not.

After a long, 3-hour meditation this morning of being watchful and still, the stillness I had missed for so long finally came back, and from that stillness, new guidance for next steps to take, further motivation that will allow me wake up every day excited for life, and an overall happiness that is rooted from inside. With it is a new determination to meditate deeply and sufficiently every day. Although I still have many unanswered questions, I know that I will know what I need to know when I need to know it, not a moment before, but not a moment after, if I only listen. I know that the more I take the time to listen, the more I will feel true peace, no matter the circumstances that surround me, positive or negative. I know that it is not the circumstances on the outside that indicate my progress, but the ways in which I respond to them. I know that there will never be an end to the challenges that present themselves to me, but I know the way to overcome them, and that’s all that matters.

And so my true happiness lies in knowing that every day I am fulfilling the purpose to which I have been given, and staying in tune with it. By staying in tune with my inner self, I take the actions which are clearly given for me to take, which subsequently takes care of all my outer needs. Fears and anxieties, as they come up, are increasingly invoking a response of excitement from me, and so I run towards them knowing that they are the custodians holding the keys of personal growth and expansion.

Please understand that the same inner guidance is available to everyone everywhere; I am not special in any way. You, too, can seek this inner kingdom, and believe me, the rest will be provided to you.

Although I post this publicly, this is as much a reminder for myself, for my own future difficulties, as it is for anyone else. If even a single other person will read this and be inspired to start looking within, then that’s a big, fat bonus.

Although I’ve learned from many teachers from all walks of life that deserves my thanks, two of them deserve pin-pointing, as they are affecting me right now. First and foremost is my father. I’m afraid to think where I would be today without his constant spiritual guidance and encouragement. And secondly, Kyle Cease, whose inspiring, yet hilarious words have encouraged me to do more personal, inner work. A massive thanks to both of you.

Getting ready to take off from Monroe peak in central Utah — July 9th, 2017

Ephi Blanshey

Written by

Entrepreneur and full-stack web developer. Interested in startups, aviation, the sharing economy, decentralization, self-development, and spirituality.

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