How I made it back to life

Inspired by stories of those that had miraculously survived most unpleasant illnesses and still enjoy life

Yesterday a friend of mine sent me a link to Regina Brett’s 50 lessons for making the Impossible. Having read her rules I realized that I’ve been living by those and some of my own rules for the past year. And I thought that if her rules helped somebody, it may as well be the case with my story.

A couple of years ago I was on a business trip in Chicago. Beautiful city! It was unexpectedly warm for January — I remember that because I went out of the office for a cigarette wearing just a suit. That was my first time in Chicago and I was told numerous times of its awfully unpleasant winters, but this time I was lucky. As I was smoking I thought of the past couple of months…

Actually, I used each and every opportunity to fly across the big pond since my girlfriend started her studies at one of the most prestigious business schools in US. And that trip to Chicago was an excuse to come to the East Coast for the New Year. And couple of months before that, in October on another trip (this time for her birthday) I went to one of the most famous 5th avenue shops. It was a simple choice as Audrey was her favorite actress. And she accepted the “ring of the rings” as they call it! So, you can imagine how happy I felt at that moment.

Let’s come back to that cigarette for a second — I felt something under my pit arm, some small swelling but didn’t pay too much attention to it. Back in Moscow I went to a surgeon (as my cousin-doctor told me I should see a surgeon). He sent me to have an X-ray, after which he was not talking to me. The oncologist did…

That was it. The end of life suddenly became very close. Terrified, I was. Didn’t tell her anything until my biopsy came back confirming the simple truth — from now on all my plans depended on how I beat cancer, stage IV.

The long fight has begun. 5 months of chemo in Moscow (not a single working day missed), PET scan in Israel, PET scan in Boston. Return to Moscow, marry her, buy an apartment (what if I can’t work when I return?). Another 3 months of different chemo’s in Boston. Still positive scan. A stem cell transplant, radiation. Still positive… She says, she doesn’t love me anymore and leaves… Cancer has suddenly faded away…Why fight now? Clinical trial of a new drug. Total self destruction — smoking again, heavy drinking. Desperate attempts to find something that will save me (here will the lessons come..☺). Another transplant, this time from a donor (thanks, God, my sister was a match!). And, finally a clean scan! A new birthday date! And a new life. Always shadowed by the possibility of a relapse…

Why am I telling you all this, you may ask? Well in order for you to understand my first lesson:

(1) Never think your problems are the worst the mankind saw. There’s a whole bunch of people whose problems are even worse. In these months I got to know a lady with a lupus, a lady helping her son J with making his way into this life despite his autism (their story is here), a couple that was struggling to get the pregnancy going while at the same time fighting hepatitis, and so on, and so forth. Did comparing my problems with theirs help? Well, not exactly. What did help, is my second lesson:

(2) Never allow yourself to feel pity for yourself. Maybe there will be somebody else doing that, may be not. Doesn’t matter. But, do you really want somebody to treat you kindly because they feel sorry for you??? Really??? Why do you think you don’t deserve more? I certainly believe you do! You are capable of anything! And so we come to the next lesson.

(3) Do not wait any longer! Do it! Have you ever thought, you might not have enough time in your life for something that you’ve been dreaming of for the past several years? What would you do if you had just one week left? One month? One year? Does it really matter how much is left? What did I d0? I went to learn how to play the guitar and now can play all my favourite songs… the thing I’ve dreamt of since I was in high school but never had the persistence to take it up. I also lacked knowledge of two dances from the same time in my life — Pasodoble and Slow Foxtrot. Do you think, I still don’t know how to dance them? Boston turned out to be the place with a wonderful dance studio with kindest instructors (Boston Ballroom Dance Center). And that is not all ☺. I also bought my dream car and a home stereo system.

(4) Don’t spend time alone. I did. For quite some time. And even the dance class didn’t help a lot as it was just 3-4 hours a week… Emptiness…Overwhelming emptiness. Only talking to people helps. Be open, discuss your concerns, your doubts your fears. I never thought I had so many friends…Until the moment I opened my story to the world. And suddenly, an increasing number of people started to get inspired, asked me to become their mentor… Make new friends — in my case, I don’t know if I’d survived if I hadn’t had the support of my pen pal and calls from my friends.

(5) Workout. Healthy people can neglect their health, postpone it for later. You cannot afford it. For them it’s a way to improve health, for you — survive. You have to be sweating your guts off every bloody day. A day without a training for you is a crime against your dear self. Nobody will punish you, except for yourself.

(6) Help others. When you help others and when you see that your help makes a difference in their life, your own life suddenly fills up with more sense — you don’t just go away, you leave something behind you. You made this world a tiny bit better. Just think how much better this place would be if each and every one of us did help somebody else. I did.

(7) Try to work. I was extremely fortunate that my employer was very kind and understanding, though it’s a big multinational corporation. I was allowed to move to Boston and work from here using all the modern types of communication ranging from phone and e-mail to skyping with my clients. Even if your employer is not that kind, there’s bunch of things you can do from home in this electronic media century. Just don’t waste your time! (see lesson 3 for reasons why).

(8) Read. Even if you haven’t ever done it in your life. There’s a bunch of places on the web with all kinds of lists of books/novels that every meaningful person should have read. Check yourself against such a list, and think again of the time left for you. Are you prepared to go without finding out the wisdom of those before you? Really?

(9) Write. Whatever your prefer. Articles or books, letters or poems, start a diary if you can’t think of anything better. On paper or on your computer. Writing is just like talking to a psychotherapist. When you’re writing, you’re thinking about what to write and why. And at that very moment your mind eases the pain, relieves you of the burden and finds a way out.

(10). The last but not the least. Love. Some of us are very fortunate to have support and love of our loved ones. I was not. Moms/dads/sisters/brothers/cousins help, but don’t solve the problem. Nothing fills your life with more joy and meaning than a person that you want to hug… And I’m not the only one that thinks so — a questionnaire that I once had to fill in at my hospital had a very direct question — how often do you have an opportunity to hug somebody?…

I wish you all to win!

To be continued …