SBF Seeking Swing Stater for Vote Switching Arrangement

Disclaimer: I wrote the following story during the 2016 election cycle. This story was written at a time when conventional political wisdom stated that an inarticulate and impolitic businessman with no political experience and multiple fraud and sexual assault allegations pending against him could not possible best a former First Lady/former United States Senator/former Secretary of State in a presidential race — and the tone of the piece reflects that.

Aside from the occasional corrections to spelling/grammatical/syntax/factual errors, the story you are about to read is in its original form.

Me: SBF, 39. Self-published author/blogger/background actress currently living in NYC. Hard core Hillary supporter who literally has nightmares about a Trump presidency.

You: A progressive currently registered to vote in a swing state. A progressive who is panning to vote for Jill Stein or Gary “What’s Aleppo?” Johnson because you can’t stand Hillary but can’t bring yourself to pull the lever for Trump.

Sought After Arrangement: We switch votes in November. I vote for Stein or Johnson in the reliably blue state of New York while you directly influence the election by casting a vote that counts in a swing state for Hillary Clinton.

There are several reasons why you should consider this proposition. First, the Green Party and the Libertarian Party would benefit as campaign finance rules require third party candidates to receive five percent of the popular vote in order to qualify for federal funds. The Green Party and the Libertarian Party didn’t qualify for fedral funds this time around but a good showing in the 2016 election could put the two parties on the map in 2020. Because third parties don’t need to win electoral college votes in order to secure this financing, it literally does not matter in which state the third party vote is cast. You would be doing your part to promote the interests of your chosen party without sacrificing the country to Donald Trump’s authoritarian impulses.

Second, helping Hillary Clinton into the White House makes it possible for progressives to push their agenda over the next four years. While Clinton has always been a centrist, she has been tacking to the left lately, a clear indication that she is willing to listen to and cooperate with progressives. Because Stein and Johnson don’t have an ice cube’s chance of winning and because Donald Trump doesn’t have a progressive bone in his body, Clinton is a progressive voter’ only hope.

Third, the entire country would benefit from having the most qualified candidate in history serve in the Oval Office. While Clinton is far from perfect, she isn’t evil, corrupt, incompetent, or lazy; in fact, she has been making statements that have been judged to be largely truthful for the duration of her campaign. And she doesn’t cozy up to white supremacists, brag about not paying taxes or ritualistically insult half the world’s population.

Fourth, you’ll have the satisfaction of being on the right side of history. Up until a few months ago, the United States has never had a viable female candidate for president. Do you, a true progressive, want to say that you helped spoil things for the first woman to secure a major party nomination? Once the fog of war has dissipated, I don’t think you would feel too good about that.

And last, you won’t have to deal with the unbearable guilt of knowing that you handed a presidential election to a grossly underqualified con artist with despotic leanings. Nader supporters feel bad about the 2000 election and George W. Bush, despite his many shortcomings, wasn’t nearly as bad as Trump.

On top of all that, there is nothing illegal about this. A California appeals court ruled in 2007 that vote-switching was an expression of First Amendment rights.

So how about it, swing staters? I’m looking for a short-term dalliance but I’m open to a long-term political alliance with the right person. Looks, weight, age, marital status, sexual orientation, etc. unimportant. Serious inquiries only.

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