This is What Love is

I’m in love with a girl named Summer. I never used to be such a romantic, but with Summer, I can confidently say that I am truly in love, and my life has been changed for the better. The story of how we came together is nothing short of fate.

Let me start with a bit of background. When I was younger, a teenager anyway, my thoughts on what love was were challenged. Growing up, I had always thought it meant when you spent time with someone and liked them so much you grew to love them. In a way I was right, but as I grew older and starting meeting girls, I failed to see a connection between attraction and love. I would be attracted to girls, I might even be interested to have a conversation with them, but I didn’t care about their personal lives, not really. Not in a rude way, it just wasn’t of interest to me. Even if I told myself I did, it was just a way to try and force myself to like them.

I began to grow apathetic and aloof towards others. (Doesn’t every teenager?) and realized, I don’t care for these girls, not in the way they are looking for. So now what? Am I destined to live alone forever? This thought didn’t scare me like it should have, but it wasn’t heartbreak or sorrow I felt, it was a pity for myself. It seemed that my particular interests, my mind, was just a little too off for most people.

I just never really batted an eye when I was around a couple that declared they were in love and meant to be together. They didn’t know what they were talking about. That’s exactly how I always saw it, a display, a fantasy, a lie. They might tell each other they love one another but I highly doubt they’ll be married ten years from now, it all seemed so meaningless, other than the physical needs of growing teenagers.

Love was an illusion, something that these people told themselves so that they could feel like they were a part of something, something magical. So they could feel like their life was moving in the right direction. I never felt that way, What people called a magical, spectacular thing, I began to see as just an overly emotional need for someone else. I didn’t feel love, I didn’t understand what I was supposed to be feeling, I just felt, normal.

I didn’t want to feel this way, I tried, oh did I try, but when I was laying there with a girl, in my bed, after making out, listening to her talk about her friends and her dad, I wanted to be interested, I acted interested, maybe I was interested, if not just a little. But what I’m really thinking, and what most are probably thinking, is how do I advance this? Hard to think about yourself as a heartless predator, but that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Attraction? That’s what I thought at the time.

There was one girl who shook my emotions to the core. I loved her, or at least I thought I did. We’d text back and forth for hours, make silly faces at each other in class. When I wrote a letter to her confessing my love, it was appreciated, but not returned. It must have been strange, a friend who no matter how hard he tried couldn’t just stay a friend. I tried to stay friends, I did, but when she did get a boyfriend, a boyfriend who wasn’t me, after watching them kiss, I was crushed. I felt dead inside. This is love, I thought, this is what love leads to, and I decided never to even give it a chance again, not if it meant feeling like this. I felt I was literally doomed forever, because she was the one, but she wasn’t. Of course she wasn’t. A sporty, active, social, outgoing girl with an introverted, movie lover that plays video games and mostly stays in? That never would have worked. But of course, that’s never how it seems at the time.

Enter Summer. It wasn’t until recently that I truly felt the power of love, how it changed me, for the better. I was working at my new job, quite a boring job, pushing a broom around, for what seemed like hours on end, only to check the time and find that it had only been ten minutes, absolutely hating it. But this bad job had a silver lining, as I’m clocking out to go to lunch a co worker, summer asks me, hey, can I eat lunch with you? I usually went out to my car on lunch and kept to myself, but I would’ve felt bad if I said no, she was just a girl looking for friends after all. I said yes and we went to my car and ate lunch together. We talked, I thought she was a nice girl, and that was that. But the next day, she asked again, and again, and again. Every once in a while she’s leave me be, to my dismay because I had grown to enjoy her company, even want it. She then started asking me to walk out with her at the end of the day. We walked together, we ate together, and one day she told me she had seen all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, we debated about which was the best, (it’s the third) and I said I wanted to see the new one. She asked if she could come with, I said ok. Being the oblivious fool I was I wasn’t aware that I had just accepted to go on a date.

When the day came, as I pulled up to her house she quickly shot out of the front door and into my car, and we were off. We watched the movie, we talked on the car ride home, and I ended up spending a couple hours over at her house. We watched more movies, and then we talk a walk. A walk at one in the morning to a park down the road, (We were third shift workers, if that makes it less weird that we’re out and about that late.) She played some music on her iPod and we talked and looked at the stars. I was starting to think she might have feelings for me. When we got back we watched another movie, during which, she asked to hold my hand. “Uh oh.” I thought to myself, but I agreed and we held hands the rest of the movie. When it got late, I decided it was time to go, she walked me to the door and said goodbye and I walked to my car, when I was halfway to my car I hear “Evan! Come here!”

I came back to the porch, and she said she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I told her, I’m not ready for anything like that right now. She said ok and went back inside. I felt horrible, The truth was I didn’t want to date her, not because of anything wrong with her, but because I was afraid of relationships, I really liked summers company, and in my mind, a relationship would only lead to a messy end, and the loss of a friend, and I just couldn’t take that, not at that point in time, not with her, I think that was one of the first signs that I knew I loved her, not wanting to lose her.

After a about a week of talking it over with her, I changed my mind, I finally said yes. Then we kissed. We spent the next couple of months spending a lot of time with each other. I would go over to her house almost every day after work, wed watch tv together and cuddle. We’d spend the whole day at each other’s houses. We took a vacation from work together and spent the whole time together, we even went to a farm and picked out pumpkins and petted horses and goats, and saw a pig race. We loved each other, and we both knew it.

I was so in love. This was it, this was the thing I hadn’t believed in, what I hadn’t felt before, not even for the girl in high school, this was something entirely different. This was what happiness was, this was what love was. Not before long, about five months in, I told her I was in love with her, she cried. She told me she thought I was the one for her. The next month we moved into an apartment together. I know, six months is soon to move in with someone, but I think we both knew we were in it for the long haul.

We had our first Christmas together in the apartment, it was great, we’d started a tradition. It became very clear very quickly that we were soulmates. I enjoy nothing more than making her happy, I’ll even forgo eating a meal if it meant I could buy her flowers or a present, putting a smile on her face is just something I enjoy doing. I have since the day I met her, and I always will.

I know she feels the same about me. She can’t even fall asleep without me in the bed, I take care of her, and she takes care of me. One day, it was like a week after we started dating, I was off at work. I had been complaining about how I didn’t feel good and had a bad earache. I was visiting her at work on her lunch break that night, waiting for her in the parking lot. It took longer than usual so I began to get worried that she forgot about me. Then, out she walks with her lunch and a plastic bag, she had bought me ear pain relief drops and some kind of cold medicine. I felt so touched. Some may think that it’s not that big a deal, but I mean we had barely begun dating and she was already taking care of me, my love for her skyrocketed that day.

Now, we live together in an apartment, going on this journey together, spending as much time together as possible. I know they always say that it’s rarely the first love that’s the one for you, but I really feel it here. I can’t imagine life without her, we’re almost inseparable. I just feel so lucky to have met my soulmate this young. I love her, with all my heart, may this journey last forever.

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