how can we appreciate life when it’s hard?
Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: Rule #12: “Pet A Cat When You Encounter One On The Street”
My friend posted a funny meme on his Instagram story and I dm’ed him “you post the most profound memes.” He replied, “It’s truly the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes.” There’s a lot of weight to that response that I can relate to.
I’m not always in a fantastic mood when I’m at work, but I always make sure I don’t bring my personal problems there. Positive thoughts are my goal when I’m surrounded by stress or negativity. And I sure as hell don’t want negative energy to linger. Plus, if I’m inevitably gonna be there, why not try to enjoy being there?
On a particularly demanding shift the other day, we ran out of Strawberry Fresca. This little girl’s mom came up to me to see if we had more in stock. I told her “I’ll go check in the back to see if we have more.” When I opened the walk-in fridge, I was relieved that we had a bucket full of yummy pink juice. I came back and the little girl had the biggest smile on her face. I turned the machine off, popped the lid, and lugged the heavy container full of happiness into the empty vessel. As I did this, the girl was “wowing” me in her cute lil’ voice. And once I was done, she put her cup below the faucet and I filled her cup to the brim. She was a happy girl.
Her mom thanked me and I went about my shift. But I wasn’t tired or hungry anymore. It was like the little girl gave me energy. I was happy too. I felt good. I wanted to provide that same relief, or happiness to other people too. Happy brain chemicals. That’s why I love work, even though it’s hard at times. I’m not doing any groundbreaking work, but there is a challenge to feeding someone. Making sure they’re satisfied. Going out of your way for someone you just met. That’s customer service. Or it just means I care enough. It’s important.
On the contrary, I could’ve kept the same luggage-like attitude. Like everything was a burden to me. And I didn’t deserve to be treated poorly at work. Or that I deserved respect from my colleagues. Whatever it was, that was purely up to me how I interpreted and responded to people.
I realize that it’s a privilege to work. I compare myself to other people who are still looking for a job. Or are in some serious debt. I’m always in a position someone would instantaneously switch places with.
In this last chapter of 12 Rules For Life, I’m brought with more awareness to my surroundings. Like being dropped in a tab of acid, Jordan Peterson explores life’s beauty from pain. His daughter Mikayla, suffered severely from an autoimmune illness that required multiple joint surgeries, incessant and excruciating pain, and a numb immunity to potent and potentially addictive painkillers. But mostly the enigmatic nature of her condition. Her journey through hell made him retrospect on the following:
“Set aside some time to talk and think about the illness or other crisis and how it should be managed every day. Do not talk or think about it otherwise. If you do not limit its effect you will become exhausted, and everything will spiral into the ground.”
I won’t work at Blaze Pizza forever. But I find myself listening to people’s problems. Is work a place for just that? Or a place of sanctity? I don’t know. But If I keep a golden attitude while working a demanding job, I can keep that level-headed keel in the direction wherever I want to go. Work shouldn’t be easy. It should be challenging. Because without challenge, you either grow bored, become lazy, or stop growing.
Peterson further reflects on his arguments with his wife in the last sect. Serious arguments. The type where he and his wife sleep in different rooms. And when he’s sitting there on his bed, he asks himself the following two questions and realizations:
“What had we each done to contribute to the situation we were arguing about? However small, however distant… we had each made some error.”
“But it’s at such a point that you must decide whether you want to be right or you want to have peace. You must decide whether to insist upon the absolute correctness of your view, or to listen and negotiate. You don’t get peace by being right. You just get to be right, while your partner gets to be wrong — defeated and wrong. Do that ten thousand times and your marriage will be over (or you will wish it was).”
“It is my firm belief that the best way to fix the world — a handyman’s dream, if ever there was one — is to fix yourself.”
These statements hit me hard.
I remember when I came home about a month ago and I was furious. Furious to the point where I didn’t control myself and I blew up. I walked in yelling when my mom asked me how I was doing. And I screamed, “why can’t you just let me express myself huh? I’m just angry in general, I’m not angry at you, why can’t you let me be angry?” In the heat of the moment, it made sense to be angry. Because it feels good. It wasn’t directed towards her, so why not blow up? But on her side, she’s worried about me. She’s wondering why I’m angry. Why am I yelling at her? Why am I taking this energy out on her? Even if my intention was to just let energy out in general? That’s immature. And I needed to fix myself. Either I need to live alone and rot, or find a way to find inner peace in times of turmoil.
“Failure to make the proper sacrifices, failure to reveal yourself, failure to live and tell the truth — all that weakens you.”
Personal anecdotes. Analysis articles. Social Media. Gossip. Face-to-face conversations. These are technically all sacrifices we make. Everything we do expresses who we are. No matter how slight. We all react to the same thing in different ways. Whether that’s good news, bad news, or straight facts. Social media exposes who we are, not controls us. Conversations make us reflect on our own words. Personal anecdotes expose who we were, or are. These are sacrifices to our privacy, our vulnerabilities, but they shouldn’t be sacrifices we are afraid of. They should be the conversations we have when we push people away, or have nothing to say at a bus stop.
If we tell the truth, if we wake up, if we take a minute to pet a cat or dog or person when we encounter one wherever we are, we bring more awareness to our lives. If someone needs help and we help them, you’ve done more for yourself than you have done for that person. We make life better off for not just you, but me, for everyone.
Cause if it’s not that, it’s the other way around.
Let’s appreciate the small things in life. The very things that are right before our eyes. Our friends. Our place. The sky. Food set at the table. Music.
So ask yourself, what gets you through the day?
“Attend fully to the future, in that manner, while attending fully to the present. Then you have the best chance of perfecting both.”
