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Sex and Men Who Don’t Take Off Their F*cking Socks

A rant about respect, or lack-thereof.

Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash

Sex with my ex boyfriend was just…weird. I only did it with him a handful of times in the few months we were together, despite the fact that whenever we saw each other he’d have his hands all over me and I’d have to keep pushing him off, literally. Part of it was because his style of “love-making” was entirely opposite to how he was as a person; as a boyfriend, he was gentle and understanding. He was the kind of human being that’s easy to be around, easy to talk to. The kind of person who genuinely cares about his fellow humans. You can imagine my surprise when we had sex for the first time and he just jack-hammer fucked me 45 minutes before giving up because he couldn’t “get there.” And that’s how it was, every time. Always doggy style (I guess looking at my face was too much pressure or something), always him going at me like a stumbling teenager and never actually being able to complete the act, no matter how long he tried. It was impersonal, painful, and a major chore.

But if I’m honest, even that didn’t bother me. For the most part its how sex always is, with any guy I’ve been with. What bothered me was the socks. He never took off his god damn socks and that made him just like every other dude I’ve ever dated.

Its a cliche I’ve heard about through the years just in passing, and always by faceless, grumbling internet women. I myself only started being bothered by it in this past year when Kevin ended up being the same way. It was all I could think about the entire time we’d have sex — the fact that he wasn’t willing to put that extra, tiny bit of effort and time into taking off the black socks he was always wearing. Just like all my other ex’s. I mean, is it a timing thing? Is it just too much work? Its not like my apartment was cold. I always turned up the heat when he would come over to discourage him from actually touching me. And in the past, with other men, its always the same thing. It could be dead summer, sweltering hot, and they’d still neglect to take them off even when everything else got stripped from their bodies.

Do they not realize how fucking stupid it looks to be buck-ass naked and still have socks on?

I guess what bothers me most about it is the complete disregard toward me and what I’m seeing or feeling. I can’t speak for other women, but I also don’t think its an exaggeration to say that, on a whole, women put at least a little more effort into pleasing their partners than men do. Aesthetically speaking, anyway (and again, just in my experience). And even if we don’t, there’s always that question of if we should. Should I wear prettier, less comfortable underwear? Should I have taken more time to shave? Should I have bought nicer makeup? Should I this, or that? Etc etc. Whereas, from what I can see, most men don’t even have to question it. They wear boxer briefs and t-shirts. If they’re polite, they shave their face. But not always, even after you’ve mentioned to them that their stubble hurts.

And if you’re lucky, they respect you enough to take off their socks when they fuck you, because you’re worth that extra bit of effort to them. But not usually. Even for the nice ones, that’s just too much work and more than you’re worth.

Being so annoyed by such a seemingly small thing probably makes me look like a lunatic. I know I’m more bitter toward the opposite sex than I should be, and I know that a lot of what I’m saying here seems like I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill. But at the same time, this sock issue (that sounds so ridiculous ) comes down to respect, or lack-thereof. Its symbolic of the fact that every guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with has been so eager to just get at it that they don’ t even bother with that extra bit of effort, regardless of how small it is.

I actually asked Kevin about all this, once. He answered with that he’d never thought about it, and that he saves time by leaving them on. He said this as he laid on my bed, naked except for the articles of clothing in question, his hairy calves looking even more awkward half-covered in the black cotton of said clothing. Which, of course, he was still wearing.

Is it just me? Am I the only one who is so offended by this, and what it all seems to represent? It would be different if it were only an occasional thing. But the fact that its every single fucking time is what really gets under my skin.

And that’s my point. Its not really about the socks. Its the fact that those socks are symbolic of any extra bit of effort a guy might (should) put into a relationship to make it better for his partner. All the dudes I’ve ever had sex with, even the ones I was in committed relationships with, were so eager to get to the act that the desire blinded them to what I was experiencing. Me, the human being they were partnered with, that their lust turned into nothing more than a fuck toy. Even Kevin, the Genuinely Good Guy. Even he was so “into it” that he couldn’t be bothered by taking off his socks.

Its about respect. And the fact that I’m a human being, and that my experiences with sex have made me feel like I’m not. And for some reason my brain has just latched onto the whole sock issue as a way to symbolize all that. And I know its not just me struggling with this issue, because over the years I’ve talked about it with other women. The fact that we feel used in even committed relationships, and the fact that its so wildly common for a guy to “get his” and then roll over or leave instead of giving the woman hers’, too. So much so that its often joked about in the media.

Because apparently, its too much work to do anything further than what is required for his own physical gratification. Which, for the record, has also been said to me by a different ex when I asked him why he never tried to make the experience any good for me.

“You’re too much work. I’d rather just not try.”

So men, take a note here if you’re reading this. Women are not objects. We are not here for your sexual pleasure. Your girlfriends, wives, fuck buddies, whatever it may be, do in fact require some effort on your part to feel good during sex. So stay present when you’re in that moment, pay attention to her and how she is reacting and feeling. Communicate with her and reciprocate the level of effort she is putting in for you.

And for the love of god, please take off your fucking socks.