Let’s crank out some bullshit stories and fill them with tweets

So there’s some news event that’s happened. It’s totally something and people are curious about it. They want to know more, but there’s nothing else to learn about it. Don’t fret! You can use tweets to make some bullshit story in under 30 minutes!

Let’s say some designer made some clothes for athletes. The designs are all right and they’re displayed on some seriously fit athletes. It makes for a good picture when they all line up for a shot.

Fashion being fashion there are plenty of things that you could say about this. You might take a dig at the colors or the cut or the line or… something else fashion-y that makes it sound like you know what you’re doing.

But forming an educated opinion takes way too much time. You also open yourself up to attacks about your opinion. You don’t want to do that, you want to give yourself the out of being someone who’s just reporting what’s going in.

You also have a lot more articles to write today, so fuck that.

Enter your golden savior, Twitter. It’s the world’s largest publicly searchable comment section and you’re one quick search away from all of the comments you need.

Hells yes! #didtheyrunoutofmaterial! So sick! We have a lead comment from a Cleveland, UK radio station social media account with 1,469 followers! Let’s keep going.

An ICT Manager from a boarding school thinks it’s “inappropriate”? Freakin’ paydirt! Comment #2 from a critic is all wrapped up. We need to blast this comment way past his 224 followers.

Now we just need to find some snarky tweet to tie this all together. Like this:

Students in Nottingham with just over 100 followers are serious connoisseurs of fashion. LOL, no, we just need to wrap this up and that is a killer quote to end it on. We can even put it on the main photo.

OK, right, publish to Mashable and let’s get on with the next thing.