Tagging along

Elaine Dais
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read

Most people view me as a leader. I stand tall, all 4'11 of me. I look people in the eyes when I speak to them and am always the first the introduce myself in a crowd. I come across as being socially secure. I know a little about a lot of things so I can ease my way into any conversation, enough to get your attention. Most would say I’m attractive and am grateful I am still considered so.

But this is counter to who I am. I am an extremely insecure person who latches on to my prey and tags along for their ride. I seek out my next venture with the cunning precision of a successful investment banker. Qualifications for this role are quite remedial. You must be easily smitten — taken aback by my charms, ability to not notice how clingy I am. My prey must be a hopeless romantic at heart and have an adventurous future. I create your memories, making you think they are ours, stealing moments from their ride.

The majority of people who meet me assume I wear the pants in most of my relationships. Because some where down the line I spoke my truth and people were astonished by that. I come across as a strong confident young lady. Speaking my truth, what ever it may have been at that time was solely what I felt at the time. I probably spoke firmly and looked directly at my audience and did not filter my tantrum.

Men who can see what I truly am usually makes run for the hills. I choose wisely. Making sure they are exactly what I need them to be. Giving them hope for a future with a confident, independent woman. They fall in love with me because I can make you think you love me, even if you weren't. We are happy in our existence, with me, tagging along.

I make all the decisions on where we go and what we eat. I make all the decisions on how we dress and who our friends will be. I decide where we live and the type of furniture we have. I am here, just for the ride.

Keeping up with this leader role on a tag along is an empty role. There are no rewards for being the leader. No one sees the adventures from this tag along for the true treasures they really are. Yes, they may be costly and sometimes inconvenient. Without me that life would not have been filled with all the colors that currently reside in that world.

Instead, resentment fills the space. Jealousy visits us constantly. My leadership skills are dwindling. I can no longer see the path we should proceed on. My focus is on filling the empty feelings. It’s an insatiable pit with no end. I make my way through since I’m just tagging along.

Decisions are harder to make. My perspective is a bit crowded. My voice is no longer heard. It doesn't hold the same ring to it as it once did. I’m the annoyance that keeps trying to speak but can’t muster the words. I see traces of my former self, trying to lead. Trying to make myself heard. At least I’m still tagging along- haven’t let go yet.

Tagging along has become a way of life, so much so I can’t seem to have an independent thought. A thought where I can function on my own. You see when you tag along, it’s not your life, it’s their life and you are luggage. You are not the expensive luggage one savors and treats like gold, but the luggage that is now tattered, worn and discolored. Everywhere we go, I’m tagging along. Not really fitting in anywhere, too bulky, with patterns no longer attractive.

I don’t want to tag along. I want lead my way through. Independent of anyone. But the lasting question never leaves my mind, not allowing me to be released.

Who will I tag along with next?

Elaine Dais

Written by

A full time aspiring author with a full time office job. I’m open to genres and have an insatiable hunger for words. Wish me luck!