This is a knife. You’re about to pack it and go. You know why.
Ed Casey
Ed Casey
Mar 1, 2017 · 2 min read

You ran out of time.

You used running out of time as an excuse for why your food is terrible when come on if you’re totally honest with yourself would another 5, 10, or 900 minutes REALLY fix your busted-ass ceviche?

Someone sabotaged your burner or oven or fryer or whatever (no they didn’t).

You just tried to cook YOUR food.

You made risotto.

You made dessert.

You made any kind of pudding, custard, sorbet, flan or anything else that needs to gel or set and you’re trying to get it to gel or set in less time than it normally takes using some kind of kitchen trickery. It never gels. It never sets. Never ever ever ever. Never.

Your “I’m really talented and I still have a lot to show you” pleading hail mary at Judge’s Table didn’t convince ANYONE.

You worked front of the house on Restaurant Wars.

You used something frozen when you should have used fresh.

You used something fresh when frozen was the better choice.

Seriously, WHY would you make risotto? Have you EVER watched an episode of Top Chef in your whole life?

You’ve never used a pressure cooker before and a do or die competition with a ticking clock on a TV show seemed like a good time to give it a go.

You didn’t make your own pasta and/or tortillas.

You were actually only the SECOND worst, but it was a double elimination challenge even though that’s not what double elimination means but whatever words don’t even have to mean things anymore in the year of our lord 2017.

You made a terrine. Never make a terrine. You don’t have time. You NEVER have enough time. Stop it.


Ed Casey

Written by

Ed Casey

Dictated, but not read.

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