My fidget spinner changed my life

OMG, like, seriously.

Totally, dudes, I bought a fidget spinner. Like, it totally changed my life.

I love everybody now. Seriously. Everybody. Just like Buddha taught me, only better. I never even have to try to like people, it just happens with zero effort whatsoever.

I have zero worries in the world. All of my problems are completely gone. It happened while I was staring at my fidget spinner. I don’t even have to bother with things like paying attention to my internal dialogue, working hard to keep a positive attitude, and facing fear daily. I never have panic attacks anymore, in fact, even my anxiety is gone. Mind you, I haven’t bothered to actually try to SOLVE any of these problems. They just evaporated the first time I used my fidget spinner.

The world is perfect! I know this because my fidget spinner still spins.

How does it go so long without stopping? I have no idea. I’ve been so busy watching my fidget spinner I lost all curiosity about the world and how it works.

My fidget spinner gives me ideas. Believe me, they’re great. I get the idea to make sure it doesn’t slow down, to turn it side to side, and even upside down! Don’t tell my mom about that last one, though, she might think I’m getting too wild.

Tomorrow’s post will be a praise and worship song for fidget spinners. I renounce Buddhism, I am now the Grand Poobear of the Gospel of the Fidget Spinner. All praise ball-bearings!