Becoming Your Neighbor
I fear taking a step back every now and then, because I know what I will see. I have become what I never wanted: Lifeless, hopeless, and unimaginitive. It is not too hard to wrap my mind around how this came to be. Even when I can clearly retrace my steps… even when I can see it happening before my eyes… I don’t know how to stop it.
I think I hit the breaks too fast. I think I paused my youth and slowed it down sooner than I should have. Ironically, I did it out of my impulsive and passionate form of loving. I dared myself to love enough to slow down for my significant other, but I have cheated myself. I cheated myself out of love and out life, and I fear that I am dragging my relationship down with it.
I hardly know what sanity is anymore. My thoughts are so bland, my words cover only what needs to. I’ve forgotten how to write poetry. I’ve lost faith in star alignments. I have not interest in fate. And to say the least, I’m afraid to fall out of love.
I am out on a quest to find love again, but this time, independently.