Meditations on Meth: Overcoming Resentments in Portland (OR)

Ed Kressy
Ed Kressy
Aug 31, 2018 · 2 min read

The other day presented an opportunity for a certain author (me) to practice a principle he preaches…

At an AA meeting in Portland, where I’m spending a few days visiting family…

As the meeting began, the secretary asked if there were any visitors from outside the area (this is standard practice at many AA meetings)…

I raised my hand: “My name’s Ed, I’m an alcoholic, I’m visiting from San Francisco.”

From the other side of the room, in a baritone voice, someone uttered, loud enough to be heard…

“Go back.”

There was laughter…mine amongst it.

“Friendly Portland,” someone said sarcastically.

I’d heard about Portlanders resenting Californians who move to their beautiful city, adding to overcrowding and traffic…

And I knew the “Go back” comment, couldn’t have been meant personally…

Still, as the meeting progressed, I felt tempted to let resentment get the better of me.

When my turn came to speak, I had a cutting rejoinder all prepared…

A thinly-veiled negative assessment of who I thought was the man who advised me to “Go back.”

Of course, I didn’t know the man any better than he knew me…

Yet, I’d convinced myself I had the right to employ my cutting rejoinder…

Do you know that feeling, of being “in the right?”

But the old Buddhist saying stayed with me:

“It’s better to conquer oneself, than to win a thousand battles.”

I stopped myself at the last possible moment…

Conquered my urge to employ my rejoinder…

And instead of engaging the man…

I spoke about my connection to a Spiritual Presence having rescued me from the depths of addiction.

When the meeting ended, I approached the man who made the “Go back” comment…

Introduced myself, said a friendly hello…

And, to make a long story short…

Before I even had the chance to ask him what he’d meant by his comment…

He explained to me…

He’d once lived in San Francisco, and loved it there.

His comment was meant to advise me, “Go back, San Francisco is such a nice place.”

It was a misunderstanding…as these things so often are.

Have you ever had a similar misunderstanding?

It’s better to conquer oneself, than to win a thousand battles.

Had I delivered my cutting rejoinder, might I have “won a battle?”

If I had, what might I have lost?

I might’ve lost the opportunity to be a person who considers a person innocent until proven guilty…

I might’ve lost the opportunity to be a person who gives someone the chance to present his side of the story…

I might’ve lost the opportunity to be a person who strives for understanding and compromise, rather than conflict.

Even if I’d won my battle, I would’ve cost myself opportunities.

Are there any battles in your life you might forgo fighting, in favor of the benefits you get from conquering some aspect of yourself?