HOW DO WE MOVE IN THE DIRECTION OF OUR GOALS?
The best thing we can do while moving towards any goal that we have in our life is to do in such a way that we feel really good while taking the steps towards that goal so in order to maximize the pleasure and passion we’ll go through the following process: set a goal -> take a step in that direction -> at some point we’ll get into a negative state like anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness etc -> we relax until we feel good again -> take another step -> new negative state or even the same one as before -> relax again -> take another step and so on. What will happen after doing this a few times is that we’ll feel better and better while taking the steps towards our goal and we’ll be a lot more efficient at it as well.
WHY IS RELAXATION IMPORTANT?
The purpose of relaxing every time we find ourselves in a negative state is to be able to get back to a pleasure state in those moments so that we can continue on the way towards our goals with a lot more joy and efficiency. When we feel good, the communication with our subconscious mind (which is not only an infinite warehouse of resources but also our perfect little personal assistant) works much, much better.
HOW SHOULD WE DO THE RELAXATION?
The relaxation process can be done in two ways: fast and slow. Most of the time we’ll do the fast version and when we see that the negative states keep coming back again and again we’ll do the slow relaxation.
The most important thing to realize about doing these relaxations is that if we focus on the way we’re letting a certain part of the body relax instead of just letting it relax, the relaxation effect will be a lot more powerful.
SLOW RELAXATION: we count the number 10 and we pay attention to the way we’re letting the scalp relax, 9 and pay attention to the way we’re letting the forehead relax, 8 and pay attention to the way we’re letting the neck relax and so on until we reach 1 and we’re paying attention to the way we’re letting the feet relax and 0 paying attention to the way we’re letting the entire body relax. On this last number it’s of paramount importance to keep our attention on the way we’re letting the entire body relax until we feel a very pleasant feeling of relaxation. The pause between the numbers must be at least 2–3 seconds.
FAST RELAXATION: same as the slow relaxation only that the pause between the numbers is very small so the counting becomes very fast. The goal of the fast relaxation is to send a relaxing wave through the body and, as in the case of slow relaxation, when we get to the number 0 we must keep our attention on the way we’re letting the entire body relax until we feel a very pleasant feeling of relaxation.
While doing both types of relaxation various other thoughts will attempt to take control of our mind. This is not a problem though because if in those moments we bring our mind back to focusing on the way we’re letting the different parts or the entire body relax, the relaxation process will continue as if it were never interrupted.
WHEN SHOULD WE DO THE FAST RELAXATION?
The general rule of thumb is to do the fast relaxation immediately when feeling any negative emotion. There will be many times though when, if we do this, the negative state will just keep coming back again and again and it will feel even worse. So in those situations we just need to let the negative emotion manifest itself for a while, sometime even until the point where it overwhelms us for a bit but not too much because otherwise we’ll lose the joy, passion and eventually even the willingness to move in the direction of our goals.
WHEN SHOULD WE DO THE SLOW RELAXATION?
When we see that just by doing the fast relaxations we are not able to get back to a consistent pleasure state while taking the steps towards what we want, we need to take a bit more time to do the slow relaxation. This can happen anytime, anywhere but we just need at least 2–3 minutes of quiet time in order to do the slow relaxation efficiently.