Overcoming Imaginary Obstacles

The Sally Problem

We all have a Sally.

Sally is that person you know or follow online that seems to be a more successful version of you. You watch their Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter profiles like a hawk — while telling yourself that you don’t care what she’s doing.

But you do care.

We’re all curious of what “Sally” is doing with her life. And although you won’t admit to ourselves, we’re curious because we want to see if we’re finally ahead of her in life.

We look at all the pictures of her perfect life and think, “how does she do it?” Then of course we read her work and think, “Why didn’t I think of that?” We set my phone down, feeling completely drained and worthless.

Since we’ve already boarded the “you suck” train, we decide to keep going. We watch her articles get shared all the time on Twitter and even like and share them. We can’t help by loath her for living our dream.

Sometimes our sally makes us feel like we were dealt the wrong hand. It looks so easy for her to accomplish all these things and we don’t think that’s fair. But of course that’s not true. We weren’t dealt the wrong hand. We usually know what to do to become as successful as Sally. The problem was is us.

Ouch.

One day as I lay on my couch spitting nonsense about Sally I decided to take a good hard look at myself. I’d spent a Saturday morning on social media, in my laundry day clothes, feeling sorry for myself as I watched someone else achieve what I wanted to achieve. What had I accomplished?

Nothing, but waste time.

The time I sent stalking at Sally and feeling sorry about myself she probably spent getting ahead and achieving her dreams.

Around this same time I began reading, “The Success Principles” by Jake Canfield. In this book Canfield an insightful guide to achieving more then you believe is possible in your life. It’s a list of mental tools, resources, and practices that will help you program yourself for success.

The first principle was one I really needed to hear. And it’s one I think you need to hear too.

Take 100% responsibility for your life.

When we look at our Sally we tend to believe that she accomplishing all these things effortlessly. That she has some hidden talent we don’t have. We start thinking of all the obstacles we have on a daily basis and how Sally doesn’t seem to have those obstacles in her life.

But everyone has obstacles in their life — it’s how we react to them that defines us. When we believe things just happens to us we become victims and we’re no longer feel responsible for our life. Once we’re victims we deny the fact that we made the decisions that got us to the place we are now — especially when we’re unhappy about our current state.

Blaming others or our circumstances creates imaginary obstacles that we use as excuses for not drilling down and getting things done.

The Shift

You’re not a victim of your circumstances or of others. Sure there are some things out of your control but most of it is up to you. You control your reality.

This can be a hard thing to swallow when you’re used to being a victim. My first reaction when I finished reading this section of the book was to get teary eyed (yes, I’m a crier) and remember all those times I’d whined and gradually develop my toxic frame of mind. It was (and is) holding me back. But once I put myself together I knew if I managed to take 100% responsibility for my life it would change everything for the better.

Stop Venting and Focus on Taking Action

A lot of times when I’m “venting” I’m really just complaining. We think venting is healthy — you get your emotions out there and it releases a pressure you were feeling for a long time. The point where venting becomes complaining is when “venting” is a recurring thing. So here’s a tip:

Vent (or complain) about something for 5 minutes and then stop. After that only focus on creating a solution and come up with action steps to get it solve.

Understand that you’re Powerful

A side effect of the victim mentality is that you start feeling small. It surprises your potential. But you’re the boss. You’re writing your life’s story. And the universe is just throwing obstacles your way to make your live an interesting story. So write a character you’d be happy to be. Write a character who believes in themselves and is willing to fight for their dreams.

I hope you found these words helpful and I really do highly recommend the Success Principles by Jack Canfield. At first I was resistant to it because it sounded a bit cheesy, but I’ve gotten a lot of value from it. It’s a game changer.

How can you take 100% responsibility for your life right now? Let me know in the comments at http://ednawrites.com/2015/09/jack-canfield-overcoming-imaginary-obstacles/.