15. Letting go of entitlement
I won’t lie. There were times I felt more superior than others. I’ve created this self-image that portrays how unique I am. And because of that, I expected myself to achieve big things. To be treated differently. To be deserving of something great.
It could be that I was really born different or I was just a prick who felt smug of my achievements. Most likely, it’s a bubble I created to console myself from the fact that I’m still a nobody. When I felt my “notability” was threatened, I began to dig my past and build a case to convince myself why I’m different.
Regardless of the cause, one thing is certain. This sense of entitlement leads to nothing but unhappiness. I began to create a high happiness standard — only when I feel so special will I feel good. I became judgemental. I got detached from the people I spend time with. I was not capable of enjoying the moment for what it truly is.
I expected too much of my life. And I suffered many disappointments in return.
That is why I am learning to let go. Get rid of the grandiose labels I gave to myself. And instead start seeing myself simply as a learner, a being, a human.
Instead of expecting success, I will focus on improvements. Instead of searching for big pleasure, I will find the smallest joy in every moment.
I want to give up the belief that I am owed something by the world.
Accept that most part of my life will be mundane. For only then special moments can blossom.
Accept that I am average and mediocre. For that is why I could be so much better.