eDieLynNe
eDieLynNe
Sep 8, 2018 · 4 min read

Forgiveness Isn’t Really The Point

I’m sorry my friend, I know I hurt you so much, but I honestly I did not intend it to, it’s just that on that very point of my life, I didn’t know what to do. You knew me well, you’re aware that I really hate to upset others, you knew all my efforts in controlling myself to be able to hurt not others.

Maybe you’re asking me now, “How could I control myself for the sake of others, and forgetting to stay truthful for the sake of you, my best friend?” Friend, I wrote this missive not just to say sorry, but to defend myself as well, I want to explain everything, one thing you never gave me the chance to do so, but before I start justifying myself, let me just draw your attention to the fact that I’m not asking you here to sympathize on me or whatsoever, I just wanted you to understand the details of what had happened to us. 
Best, I know you are aware that on that very day when all of these hassles all started, I was just busy scanning my lessons then, when unexpectedly you called me up inviting me to you debut concert and come with your girl friend and as expected I agreed, knowing that I haven’t heard you sung a single song. 
Before your show started, me and your girl friend talks about our lives after leaving high school, it was during that time when she received a call from someone I do not know, it was on my surprise, when I heard her swap a great deal of flirty and sweet words and even ending the call with I love you. Even if what I’ve heard was too vague for me, I never ask for anything, instead I continued the conversation that we had prior to the call, but she opened it up ending me with no choice but to listen. She then explained to me that it was her other boyfriend, that she met during the time that you gave each other time and space to be apart, as expected I have no words to say because listening to something that I do not want to hear is like stinging my heart to death. 
As much as I want to ask how she feels about you, but it seems that my tongue started unwillingly pulls backward that unable me to talk even a single word so I just stayed calm on my seat. After the show, you brought me home thanking me for the company, I don’t know if you noticed it, but I just smiled and turn my back at you because I don’t even know if I really deserves that. 
That night, I asked myself should I or should I not reveal you the truth, but hesitations did not went out my mind because of the fact that you are so in love and I am just a friend, so I decided instead not to tell any single details about what I have found out. I tried to be conscious in everything that I’ll be saying, perhaps I’m just afraid that I may reveal it unwillingly. I even tried to distant myself from our other friends, I preferred to be alone rather that be with anyone else only to find out in the end that I am already confessing the truth. I don’t know if that is how you call as guilt. 
Few months after you found the truth by yourself, other people even keeps of proving that what you’ve found out was all true but you’re still in denial, you still can’t accept that you’ve been fooled by your pretty girl, until I told you what I know, you believed me of course – cause I’m your best friend, but what have you done, you blamed me as well for what had happen to you, though I can’t hold you responsible for every foul words you told me, I understand that because you are hurting then. 
Hurting you was never my intention in hiding her being adulterous on you, just so happen that at the time I found her darkest secret, I can’t decide what’s the right thing to do, you may call me coward, but I’m not afraid to expose the truth, what I’m most afraid of is that you wouldn’t believe me even if you claims that I am a best of friend of yours, I doubted that you couldn’t offer time to believe me knowing that you are so in love with your girl, and that there are already so many times that you’ve been blind just to keep her, so I’d rather keep her secret as my secret as well, not to fool you as what she did and as what you think but to let you find it out by your own. 
I guess I really betrayed you in some ways, but I just wanted you to be man enough to realize that she doesn’t love you as much as you do to her, that you are both just fooling each others ass by keeping each other. I am so sorry but forgiveness isn’t really my point, all I want is for you to understand that it’s not only you who got injured with the things that had happened, but so do I. 
You know how much I value our friendship, and I never thought that just because of the truth I never intend to know, that I will lost your girlfriend as a friend and the saddest part is that we lost each others trust, and we even lost each other as friend. The damage that your girl had caused us can never be fixed, it’s all over, good thing that you still have her because after all you still love her, unfortunately for me I no longer have a best friend that I can hold on to, but I understand, don’t worry, I’ll be ok, cause I’m a big girl now, thanks to you.

eDieLynNe

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eDieLynNe

isang tuldok at isang kuwit - my unspoken passion. 🔯i am a proud atheist 😐a functioning bipolar 🎂born on the 234th day of 1984. 📝100% Pinay