My God is always in the trenches

It’s not like I woke up with an urge to write , no , I am not that kind of a. guy , you know the type , the “I had an epiphany” dude no what I am about to tell you I knew but I forgot as we always do

I actually I never woke up cause ?..cause I actually never slept , an l3-l4 herniated inflamed disk will do that to you . I am not an office guy either , what I do ? irrelevant , I work with my body so I am not supposed to get an l3-l4 herniated disk especially just before a very important day(very very important day ). But let me take it a few days back, ( can’t sleep anyhow I might as well put you guys to sleep). Last Thursday I had a sudden pain in my tooth , went to the dentist and he said “root canal baby”, so he numbs the tooth but the pain would not go away , so he checks all my teeth and finds out that not only I need a root canal but I need to have my wisdom tooth extracted . We decide on the priorities and we set for the extraction , 5 stitches later and on my way , the pain is extrusiating but not from the extraction, nope , I have to live with the tooth that needs a root canal another week and it is killing me! Next day can’t really swallow cant really drink can’t really talk, but I have to work , so Friday i get up , take a couple of pain killers(simple ones ) and head for work. And there is were my next rendezvous with pain was .it happened while working heard a little “click” and I was on the floor crying couldn’t breathe , couldn’t move . A funny thing about pain you think you can’t take much but if it happens to upgrade to another level by its self ….well you forget everything you said about the old one. by the way I am on the floor crying and all I can think of is “I am ruined” , my life is ruined , what I worked for everyday for the last 3 months is done, I know cause I had a herniated disk before it took me almost two moths to get up on my feet. People rush me to a Chiro just to make things worse. And then home …I call an orthopedic he prescribes shots (just for the record muscoril and voltaren) . Alone in a house , can’t move , can mostly crawl like gods humble creature , can’t really fathom what happened to me, I start doing the only non passive thing I know it situations like this …Mackenzie exercises little by little and around 4am I manage to stand , I get my hopes up , that didn’t happen the last time so it might not be so bad right ? . Well never say that until you sleep (even in a correct position ) and wake up the next morning. Now ….god is were pain is , at least that’s were I remember him every time . that’s when I start thinking , “why me”, and every time I realize very very early that the discussion is always , a monologue , a loop of thought , of hope , anger , hate, disappointment . I am on the floor my work ruined I have a broken back, my tooth hurts like hell and I realize I actually can’t go to the dentist , nope , my back hurts on his chair during the good days can you imagine now? Desperation , I fall asleep on the floor just to wake up a couple of hours later shivering , coughing ,I am running a fever and I cough like crazy , every cough hurts my back so much that I start crying and laughing at the same time (there is so much to be said about an anticipated pain sometimes I think it is the worse kind ) . So here I am writing Tuesday morning it took me 1 hour to crawl and to stand and to start typing ,why would I go to so much trouble ? Not because I think all this is something special no ,,, but I desperately wanted to stop the monologue with God

, God might be a healthy approach for those that “talk” with him — her all The time , but the god living in the trenches is a different kind of God , teaching you the biggest secret of life but in the worst manner ever , “take each moment as it comes” , pain will do that , pain will yank you back from any thought fantasy or dream in no time , pain is the god of now . And even though I am ruined (I know so), I wish I will never again forget what I am being taught right now! So this is a reminder please let me always remember this fucking day and this fucking lesson no matter what !