Emotional Intelligence Sermon

“Jesus you love me too much oooh, too much ooh…” I have always been a big fan of this song. It really set the mood for me. I was a bit held up in the business of preparing chicken for the get-together party. I slaughtered six birds and one to carry and eat while back in Nairobi with my friend Jeff. I prefer to call him Jeff though he has a list of other names, Tesh, Kartel, Muthoogi… without mentioning his original names as they appear in the national identification card. Haha. That was on a lighter note.

The Holy Spirit inspired me to speak on the topic of emotional intelligence. Guided with these verses from the Bible;

Luke 22: 47 Betrayal and Arrest of Jesus

47 While he was still speaking, there came a crowd, and the man called Judas, one of the twelve was leading them. He drew near to Jesus to kiss him, 48 but Jesus said to him, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” 49 And when those who were around him saw what would follow, they said, “Lord, shall we strike with the sword?” 50 And one of them struck the servant8of the high priest and cut off his right ear. 51 But Jesus said, “No more of this!” And he touched his ear and healed him. 52 Then Jesus said to the chief priests and officers of the temple and elders, who had come out against him, “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs? 53 When I was with you day after day in the temple, you did not lay hands on me. But this is your hour and the power of darkness.”

I see a magnitude of emotions. Where Jesus was being faced with a hard time. His students were willing to fight for him. However, it was not against his will. He was betrayed and arrested so that we might find salvation. Indeed find it in full. You were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies (1st Corinthians 6: 20). Jesus chose to forgive the high priest servant. How many of us would be willing to forgive at such a time? When you were being faced with false accusations and would be arrested and hanged. Jesus healed the ear of the servant and immediately commanded an end of the conflict. What a significant control of emotions? I really admire the patience and the forgiveness gesture to the extent of healing the officer.

From the words of Nelson Mandela, when he was leaving the prison gates after a period of 27 years he said. “

”

We must all strive to forgive our friends, family, spouses and even those we consider our enemies. Forgiveness is to let the prisoner free only to realize that the prisoner was you. The Bible commands us to forgive 70 x 7 times.

Matthew 18:21–35 King James Version (KJV)

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

We have a great commandment to forgive and love others.

I Peter 4:8 New International Version
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

From Mother Teresa famous quotes, she said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

So we must strive to love as Christians however people seem unlovable.

Let’s got back to emotional intelligence. From the Bible, these verses stand out for me.

John 8:1–11

but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 bEarly in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. 3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst 4 they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. 5 Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” 6 This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, h“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

I admire how Jesus shows emotional intelligence by first ignoring the questions from the Pharisees. How many time do we display emotional intelligence and ignore some irrelevant questions to avoid stirring arguments? This is one way we would show maturity in being able to control our emotions and achieve a high level of emotional intelligence.

We must also recognize that we have our toxic traits. It’s one of the great ways to become self-aware of our emotions and weaknesses. As Jesus answered to the Pharisees that whoever hasn’t sinned to first cast the stone to the adulterous woman. We must focus and realize that we also are not perfect beings. We must point out our weaknesses and strive every day to work on them and be conscious of them. We must learn not to be quick in judging other people. We must be able to first see the log in our eyes before we can spot the speck that is on our brother’s eyes.

Matthew 7:3 New American Standard Bible
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but does not notice the log that is in your own eye?

By being self-aware of our weaknesses we are able to work towards achieving a higher level of emotional intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) is a term created by two researchers — Peter Salavoy and John Mayer — and popularized by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book of the same name.

We define EI as the ability to:

• Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions
• Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others

In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behaviour and impact people (positively and negatively), and learning how to manage those emotions — both our own and others — especially when we are under pressure.

How to improve our emotional intelligence.

The Framework of Emotional Intelligence

There are two numbers to remember to help you understand what emotional intelligence is all about: 5 and 4.

There are 5 components of the emotional intelligence model and 4 “dimensions.”

The 5 Components/Elements/Domains of the EQ Model

According to Daniel Goleman, there are five components or elements of emotional intelligence:

• Self-Awareness
• Self-Regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy
• Social Skills

Self-awareness can be defined as “the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions” (Cherry, 2018B). It is the foundational building block of emotional intelligence, since regulating ourselves, having empathy for others, and so on all rely on identifying and understanding emotion in ourselves.

Self-regulation is one step further-to have high EQ, we must not only be able to recognize our own emotions, but we must also be able to appropriately express, regulate, and manage them.

People who are high in EQ are generally also high in intrinsic motivation; in other words, people high in EQ are motivated for internal reasons rather than to gain wealth, respect, fame, or other external rewards. Those with high EQ are motivated for their own personal reasons and work towards their own goals.

Empathy can be defined as the ability to understand how other people are feeling and recognize, on an intimate level, how you would feel in their shoes. It does not mean you sympathize, validate, or accept their behaviour, just that you can see things from their perspective and “feel” what they feel.

Finally, social skills are the last piece of the EQ puzzle; these skills are what allow people to interact socially with one another and to successfully navigate social situations. Those with high EQ generally have higher-than-average social skills and are able to effectively pursue their goals and get the outcomes they want when interacting with others (Cherry, 2018B).

This framework has been adapted and moulded to fit business and organizational contexts. In this organizational context, there are a few sub-skills and abilities under each component that contribute to higher emotional intelligence and greater success as an employee, group member, and organization member:

• Self-Awareness
  – Emotional awareness: recognizing one’s emotions and their effects.
  – Accurate self-assessment: knowing one’s strengths and limits.
  – Self-confidence: sureness about one’s self-worth and capabilities.
• Self-Regulation
  – Self-control: managing disruptive emotions and impulses.
  – Trustworthiness: maintaining standards of honesty and integrity.
  – Conscientiousness: taking responsibility for personal performance.
  – Adaptability: flexibility in handling change.
  – Innovativeness: being comfortable with and open to novel ideas and new information
• Self-Motivation
  – Achievement drive: striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence.
  – Commitment: aligning with the goals of the group or organization.
  – Initiative: readiness to act on opportunities.
  – Optimism: persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.
• Empathy/Social Awareness
  – Empathy: Sensing others’ feelings and perspective, and taking an active interest in their concerns.
  – Service orientation: anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs.
  – Developing others: sensing what others need in order to develop, and bolstering their abilities.
  – Leveraging diversity: cultivating opportunities through diverse people.
  – Political awareness: reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships.
• Social Skills
  – Influence: wielding effective tactics for persuasion.
  – Communication: sending clear and convincing messages.
  – Leadership: inspiring and guiding groups and people.
  – Change catalyst: initiating or managing change.
  – Conflict management: negotiating and resolving disagreements.
  – Building bonds: nurturing instrumental relationships.
  – Collaboration and cooperation: working with others toward shared goals.
  – Team capabilities: creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals (Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, n.d.; Goleman, 1998).