When Gord Brody of the 2001 comedy movie Freddy Got Fingered needs access to the CEO of a major animation studio, one that will not meet with him through traditional, less-invasive means, he takes an odd approach. He storms through the building’s security holding a bag. A security guard follows with haste as Gord storms through the metal detector, setting it off. Gord never stops. Gord continues, undeterred.

The guard attempts to stop him. Gord responds simply: “I have a bag.”

The guard continues to try and stop Gord, who dodges around him and mutters “Japan 4.”

Gord repeats, as he storms toward the elevator, that he both as a bag and “Japan 4.” Japan 4. Japan 4. He does not stop, he does not wilt. He does not end his quest. He walks into the elevator and points at the ground. “Japan 4.” The guard looks to the ground, and before he can process what’s happened, Gord is gone, screaming “JAPAN FOUR” as the elevator ascends. The guard mutters to himself: “Japan 4.”

They don’t know it, but many PR people are Gord. They share his unstoppable force of purpose. They too seek to get to the person they want to get to, whether or not that person wants to be accessed, whether or not the channels are invasive or border on harassment. Whether or not the message — Japan 4, I have a bag, shamshee, a social SaaS startup for pallets — is comprehensible or worth listening to, they will say it. When a PR person calls a reporter and begins blurting out meaningless business jargon, or writes an incomprehensible pitch, they, too, have a bag.

They will wear whatever outfit that they have to wear. When Gord seeks to meet with Dave Davidson, he dresses as a policeman (albeit a British one) in an attempt to fake authority and enter a restaurant without being stopped. The PR Professional claims to be an expert in social media, or publicity, or media relations, or anything, really, to enter into whatever circles they have to to get paid. Whether or not they appear ridiculous (“I love brands. I love the media.”) is irrelevant — if they are ‘famous’ or ‘well-liked,’ they are okay.

He pursues odd pastimes to attempt to better himself. When he is advised by his then-girlfriend to do more things to become a more rounded person — eating, drawing and playing music — he combines them into a contrivance of sausages attached to strings, which were in turn tied to his fingers, which he used to both descent the sausages into his mouth, play music and draw at the same time. This is not too unlike the concept of the personal brand — attaching meaningless elements to one’s personality in the attempt to become what other people think you should be. However, no personal brand has ever successfully created anything as endearing or lasting as Gord’s song, “Daddy Would You Like Some Sausage.”

When Gord eventually succeeds, he does so by marching back into Dave Davidson’s office with his father, Jim, in tow. Jim is in a blind rage, screaming and chasing Dave Davidson. Dave sees Jim as a character actor — an unintended element of interest — selling one of Gord’s characters from his obtuse cartoon ‘Zebras in America.’ Say, like a diamond within a 400-word pitch of awful buzz and boredom.

Gord is immediately written a check for a million dollars, which he summarily spends in a few days on many, many jewels for his girlfriend Bettie and to move his father’s house to Pakistan, so that they can, and I quote “make soccer balls together.” When he realizes he has spent all of the money, he says “A million dollars, easy come, easy go.”

Despite his ignorance of social trends (and reality), failure to abide by anyone’s clear-set likes and dislikes, constantly harassment of important people and lack of any true work ethic, Gord Brody became a success. Despite flagrantly ignoring the wants and needs of the world at large, despite offending and annoying people, Gord was able to get what he needed to get done.

To the rest of the world, and to his peers, Gord is a success. He got a deal for “Zebras In America.” To the rest of the world, and to their peers, PR people get ‘results.’ Gord did so by harassing and bamboozling and forcing his ideas upon people in an obtuse, unlikable and chaotic manner. Many PR people send out emails of hundreds of words to people they do not know in the hope that they will do what they want. In the event they do not hear back from them, they will call them on the phone, unsolicited, in an attempt to elicit the response and action they want.

Where Gord’s actions were done in the realm of the ignorant stay-at-home 30-something, the PR professionals are done at the behest of miseducated higher-ups and terrible, awful advice. Where Gord can eventually be loved for his tomfoolery, an entire industry has been perpetually and publicly (and ironically) ruined by a commonplace lack of humanity and common sense.

And reporters: Next time you read a terrible pitch, simply imagine it’s being delivered by Gord Brown. Perhaps it’ll ease the pain.