Is my son a dick?
As a parent you quickly learn to interpret different screams — there’s the tired scream, the I would like some attention scream and then there’s the scream of your child in genuine pain. The one that turns your stomach. Thank God I have not had to hear that one very often from my daughter.
But my son does not follow these rules — he is the ultimate boy who cried wolf and will scream like a banshee for no apparent reason at all. He even does it in his sleep.
When you cannot find anything actually wrong with a crying baby it is chalked up to the catch all excuse of teething. Teething is brilliant — I have been using it as an excuse for my general incompetence for some time now. So far I’ve used it as an explanation for forgotten birthdays, having a spotty chin, wearing odd socks, missed appointments and a general level of slovenliness around the house.
But I don’t think my son cries because he is teething.
We only really have his sister to compare him with and she was a very different baby. A few people I’ve spoken to about this have said boys are more needy than girls. I’m really not a fan of blaming things on gender it seems a bit harsh to tar the male population with one small child’s bad temper.
The third excuse I’ve heard is that it is behaviour typical of a second child trying to get a parents attention. But he’s breastfed and I’m with him all the time. How much attention does he want?
I have come to the conclusion that there’s a simple answer to his screaming fits.
My son is a dick.
Sorry to be so blunt but the writing has been on the wall for some time now. my daughter’s nickname is bubbles, currently my son’s only nickname is dick–douche (this has been adapted to DD after an unfortunate incident when his sister introduced him to prospective friends in the park).
His screaming doesn’t affect how much we love him, he totally gets away with such behaviour as he is a super cute baby who caused minimal damage to my lady bits. My only hope is that he will grow out of it some day.
Anyway must dash — I’m in the process of organising the kids bookshelf from least to most chewed. I’m calling it the Chewy Decimal System.
Sorry that was an awful joke Icouldn’t help myself.
Ah shit here’s a thought… If he is a dick — does he get it from me?
Kirsty Smith blogs about the funny side of family life at Eeh Bah Mum.
The name is a pun on a traditional Yorkshire saying, eeh bah gum! which roughly translates as ecky thump! None of this makes any sense to people outside of England but never mind.
