10 Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About Me

Oh Look! A Listicle! Love that!

1. I have had four C-Sections: When it was time to go in for the fourth one, the doctor said, “ok, we’re ready to deliver the baby now,” and I said, “ok, I’ll go sit in the waiting room, you can bring me the baby when you’re done.” The fact that I really meant it escaped no one at the time… The babies have always been and continue to be awesome, though they are all much bigger now than they were at their times of arrival.
2. Queen Mary’s Dollhouse: Somewhere around 1980, a National Geographic magazine issue arrived at my house featuring Queen Mary’s Dollhouse on the cover. It quickly became my favorite destination for daydreams of running away. I wanted to live in it. Still do. It has fully articulated suits of armor!! Functional motorcars!! A library full of handwritten books by famous authors!! BONUS FACT: My other favorite runaway possibility was to keep a bag packed and hanging on my bedpost in case the band of erstwhile gentlemen from Time Bandits decided to come spilling out of my closet one night with that fabulous map in their hands.
3. When I was thirteen years old, I went on a bicycle trip through Belgium (chocolate and cobblestones), Holland (funky architecture and Anne Frank), Luxembourg (mountains and hairpin turns), and portions of France. It was rather amazing, and much cheaper than a regular stay. It was also before the end of the Cold War, so it was quite intriguing to go through a State-Department-approved checkpoint into East Germany and ride for two miles below a great dark forest of fir and pine. The trip was capped with a week-long stay in Paris where I got to sit at a bar and drink my first beer. Fantastically memorable experience.
4. Somewhere around the age of twenty, I read Working by Studs Terkel. “How interesting,” I thought, and then proceeded down a career path that has criss-crossed multiple industries and over 40 different jobs, and left me basically equipped to be… a writer. My favorite is still working in fields and greenhouses — plants don’t talk back and rarely give an attitude. And almost never yell.
5. I like fruitcake.
6. I live in a world populated by gremlins. They throw away $1200 orthodontic equipment, eat all the food in the house (but leave the crumbs), steal all the cookies, hide all the toilet paper, take my keys out of my bag and leave them wherever, zorch all my electronics, smack things out of my hands, move the furniture, and set off party horns in my ears. I have lived with their antics all my life — and no, I’m not talking about my kids. Well, maybe with regards to the food and the toilet paper, but the rest has been going on for eternity.
7. I eat food in my head. For example, I can stand and stare at the donut case and imagine myself eating a donut. By the time I am finished, I do not crave the donut anymore. AND, if I break down and buy one anyway, it never tastes as good as the one in my head. Apparently, imaginary donuts are still fattening, though.
8. 4:00 AM is my favorite time of day. There is no talking at 4:00 AM. There is only coffee.
9. I am not allowed to cook Thanksgiving Turkey: Really. The town fire department calls me the Turkey Lady. I am Officially Sanctioned.
10. I’d like a house at the beach, please.

Thanks to A Maguire, Julia Kantic, Daphelba DeBeauvoir, for pulling me into this thing :)

Please, if you haven’t already — Abhishek Sengupta, Acin Fals, Ambrose Hall, Annie Caldwell, Bart Elbey, Brenda Birenbaum, Christopher Iacono, Colleen Slattery Maloney, Cynthia Griffin, Cyra Wilde, D Gestalt, David Neilson, DiAmaya Dawn, Elise Edmonds, Georgia Lewitt, Hannah Whiteoak, Inge Moore, Jef Littlejohn, Jeff Suwak, Kevin Saitta, kurt gasbarra, Lise Colas, Lumen Ros, Moses in the Wild, Rene Salinas, Róisín McLiam, Roo Black, Sam McKenzie Jr.— won’t you come play, too?