Understanding Survival Mode: Recognising It in Yourself and Others

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to slip into what psychologists call “survival mode.” It’s a state of heightened stress and reactivity that can affect our relationships, well-being, and overall quality of life. In this blog, we’ll explore what survival mode looks like in real life, from the fight-response to the fawn-response, and how recognising it in ourselves and others can lead to greater compassion and understanding.

The Evolutionary Roots of Survival Mode:

Survival mode is a fundamental instinct deeply ingrained in our human biology. It’s a mechanism that has evolved over millennia to ensure our safety and protection in the face of imminent danger. When confronted with a real threat, these survival responses — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — enable us to react swiftly and effectively. They prime us to deal with physical dangers like predators, accidents, or immediate life-threatening situations.

However, the complexity of human emotions and the nature of modern life introduce a unique challenge. At times, we can be emotionally or energetically triggered by situations that, while not physically dangerous, create a profound “feeling” of peril. It’s when this emotional trigger hijacks our responses, leading us into survival mode even when there is no tangible danger, that it becomes problematic. These triggers might stem from past traumas, unresolved emotional issues, or heightened stress levels. In such instances, our bodies and minds react as if we are in imminent danger, activating the same fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. Recognising and addressing this aspect of survival mode is essential for navigating the complexities of modern life and achieving a healthier, more balanced existence.

Survival Mode Unveiled:

Fight: In real life, the fight-response might manifest as quick reactions, taking things personally, or feeling like everyone is out to get you.

• At Home: Picture this scenario: You're at home, and a family member points out a minor mistake you made. Suddenly, you find yourself in a heated argument, with your heart racing, and a sense of defensiveness overwhelming you. Or perhaps, during a simple disagreement about what movie to watch, you escalate it into a full-blown conflict, unable to back down.
• At Work: Imagine being in a team meeting at work. A colleague offers constructive feedback on a project you've been leading. Instead of calmly discussing it, you react defensively, feeling like your abilities are being attacked. This reaction creates tension in the workplace and makes collaboration more challenging. Alternatively, you might become overly critical of a co-worker's ideas, insisting on your own perspective without considering their input, ultimately hindering team cohesion.
• In Social Situations: The fight-response can also affect your social interactions. You might find yourself quick to argue with friends or acquaintances over differing opinions, feeling the need to prove your point at any cost. This tendency can strain relationships and create unnecessary conflicts.

Flight: The flight-response can make you feel overwhelmed by the added pressure or expectations at work, seeking ways to escape or avoid the situation.

• At Home: After a long day, you might find yourself constantly on the move, seeking distractions or activities to keep yourself occupied and avoid facing any emotional challenges or responsibilities. This could involve compulsively cleaning the house, engaging in excessive online shopping, or constantly rearranging furniture, all as a means of escape. You may also become a workaholic at home, taking on extra tasks or responsibilities to stay busy and avoid addressing underlying issues. These behaviours are ways the flight-response can impact your home life, potentially hindering your well-being and connection with loved ones.
• At Work: You might procrastinate on important tasks, seeking distractions to avoid facing challenging projects, which negatively impacts your productivity and job satisfaction. It could also result in a constant ‘Sense of Dread,’ where you find yourself dreading the thought of going to work, experiencing anxiety or unease as the workday approaches. Additionally, you may notice an increase in sick days, often due to the emotional toll of being in a constant state of stress and reactivity. This response might lead to avoiding team meetings or important discussions because they trigger anxiety or a desire to escape the situation. Alternatively, you might bury yourself in excessive work, taking on extra tasks to avoid addressing underlying problems. Frequent breaks during the workday may also become a common coping strategy, not because you need them but as a way to escape the stress or pressure of the job.

Freeze: The freeze-response often leads to avoidance, overthinking, or even numbing behaviours, which can manifest in various ways:

At Home: You might avoid discussions or interactions with family members by isolating yourself in another room or immersing yourself in distractions like books or your phone. In addition, you may find yourself unable to make simple decisions, such as what to prepare for dinner, due to overwhelming indecision. Alternatively, you might overthink past arguments, replaying them in your mind long after they’ve occurred, which can lead to increased anxiety and tension within your family.

At Work: Procrastination becomes a constant companion, as you struggle to make decisions or take action on important tasks. You may put off making critical work-related decisions, causing delays and impacting your productivity. Additionally, you might hesitate to voice your ideas or opinions during meetings, fearing judgment or rejection. This reluctance to contribute can hinder your professional growth and collaboration with colleagues, further preventing you from voicing your needs. As a result, uncomfortable situations and struggles persist, perpetuating the problem and hindering your overall progress.

The freeze-response can also affect your social life. You might decline social invitations, even from close friends, due to anxiety or a sense of overwhelm. Overthinking social interactions can lead to missed opportunities for connection and personal growth. Additionally, during gatherings, you might find it challenging to engage in conversations or share your thoughts, impacting your ability to build and maintain relationships.

Fawn: The fawn-response involves prioritising the needs of others over your own, often to the detriment of your well-being, and this behaviour can manifest in various areas of life:

At Home: You constantly strive to keep everyone happy and meet their demands, neglecting your own interests or boundaries. For example, you might agree to host a family gathering even if you’re overwhelmed, putting aside your need for personal time. Additionally, you might find it difficult to say no to your children’s requests, even when it conflicts with your own well-being or schedule. This continuous prioritisation of others can lead to burnout and a sense of being taken for granted.

In a Relationship: In a relationship, the fawn response often manifests as an unwavering desire to please and accommodate your partner’s every need, sometimes at the expense of your own well-being. You may frequently find yourself prioritising their preferences, even when it clashes with your own desires or boundaries. This pattern can result in a sense of imbalance, with your needs often going unfulfilled. For instance, you might agree to shoulder more than your fair share of household chores or make accommodations for your partner’s wishes, even when it causes stress or exhaustion. While fostering harmony is crucial in any relationship, the fawn response can sometimes lead to neglecting your own needs, eroding your sense of self, and creating an unhealthy dynamic.In the Workplace: The fawn-response can also affect your professional life. You might frequently take on additional tasks or work longer hours to assist colleagues, often sacrificing your own work-life balance. Additionally, you might hesitate to voice your opinions or ideas during meetings, prioritising harmony over constructive dialogue. This can hinder your professional growth and contributions to your team.

In Social Situations: The fawn-response can extend to your social life, where you go to great lengths to maintain harmony within your social circle. You may avoid expressing your true feelings or opinions to avoid conflict, even when it means suppressing your authentic self. This behaviour can lead to a lack of fulfilment in social relationships.

The Struggle to Stay True to Ourselves:

When we’re in survival mode, rational thought often shuts down. We don’t function as our authentic selves but rather as a version of ourselves primed for self-preservation. After experiencing one of those fight responses, we might calm down and regret our actions, as they don’t align with who we truly are.

This regret and the fear of consequences can trigger another stress response, pushing us into another survival mode reaction. For instance, we may become preoccupied with what others think of us or worry about potential repercussions. This cycle can perpetuate a sense of internal conflict, as we struggle to reconcile our true selves with our survival-driven reactions.

Recognising Survival Mode:

If you’ve resonated with the examples provided above, it’s crucial to recognise when you’re in survival mode and understand its significance. Spending a significant portion of your time in these survival responses serves as an urgent signal. It’s not just about comprehending your behavioural patterns; it’s about acknowledging the toll it takes on your physical and mental well-being. Operating in survival mode continuously can lead to burnout, chronic stress, strained relationships, and even physical illness. Realising that you’re trapped in this cycle is the catalyst for positive change. It’s an invitation to explore powerful tools like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to unearth and address the root causes, offering a path towards a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Recognising Survival Mode in Others:

Understanding survival mode isn’t just about recognising it in yourself; it’s also about seeing it in those around you. For instance:

At Home: Imagine your child is refusing to go to bed and shouting at you. Is this a simple choice to misbehave, or could there be something that has triggered a stress response? Are they worrying about something, has something happened in the day that they have found difficult to tell you, or are they scared of the dark? Understanding that they might be in survival mode can completely change your response.

In a Relationship: Consider a disagreement with your partner about household chores. Their frustration might not solely be about the dishes. Could it be related to something else, like work stress, causing them to be in “fight,” “flight,” “freeze,” or “fawn” mode? Are they really even bothered about the dishes, or do they actually just need to be heard, held, or supported? Recognising this can lead to more empathetic and constructive communication.

In addition, if you find that you, along with others in your household, are in survival mode simultaneously, it can become a recipe for emotional eruption and discord. But remember, this isn’t about blame or guilt; it’s about recognising that everyone, including yourself, may need support during these times. Instead of letting it bring you down, view it as an opportunity for collective growth.

This is where the age-old saying ‘fill your own cup’ or ‘self-care isn’t selfish’ comes into play. Taking ownership of your stress responses and emotional well-being not only transforms your life but equips you to better support your loved ones. When you prioritise self-care, you’re better equipped to be there for others. It’s like the safety instructions on an aeroplane — secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. By practising self-care and encouraging each other to do the same, you create an environment of understanding and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. Together, you become a source of support and strength, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Navigating Survival Mode with EFT:

When it comes to navigating survival mode, there are various approaches, each with its unique benefits. Options like Reiki, massage, and taking time out for self-care are undoubtedly valuable and have their place. I wholeheartedly advocate for them and use them myself to maintain and enhance the progress made with EFT.

Recognising that your stress levels are rising, taking time for self-care is imperative. However, simply using these practices without addressing the root causes is like putting a plaster on a wound without cleaning it first. EFT goes further by allowing you to clean out those emotional wounds, making other self-care practices even more beneficial.

EFT offers a powerful method to explore and resolve the root causes of survival mode. By identifying the triggers of your nervous system and addressing them through EFT and Matrix work, you can break the cycle of survival mode and experience profound changes in your daily life. Its effectiveness lies in its ability to address deep-seated emotional and psychological issues, offering a path to healing and personal growth that can truly transform your life.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, the journey to recognising and understanding survival mode offers us a multitude of benefits beyond the immediate relief of stress and reactivity. It paves the way for greater compassion, not only for ourselves but also for those around us. By recognising when we or others are in survival mode, we can approach challenging situations with empathy and patience, fostering improved relationships both at home and in the workplace.

Furthermore, this awareness acts as a gateway to a more authentic and fulfilling life. As we gain insights into our survival-driven responses, we open the door to self-discovery and personal growth. We begin to distinguish between our true selves and the reactions triggered by survival mode, allowing us to make choices that align with our values and aspirations.

This journey of recognition and understanding can be complemented by various tools and practices such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Reiki, massage, and self-care. These approaches can play a crucial role in our overall well-being and healing. However, it’s the power of awareness, the cornerstone of this journey, that ultimately lights the path toward a more authentic and fulfilling life. So, embrace this understanding, explore the methods that resonate with you, and embark on the transformative journey of navigating survival mode towards a brighter and more genuine future.

Reach Out for Additional Guidance:

If you’d like to explore EFT further, please check out my website at www.rebeccamartineft.com or find me and many useful EFT reels and scripts on Facebook @EFTRebeccaMartin, both of which have my contact details. I would be delighted to connect with you and provide additional support on your journey.