THIS LOVE THING SEF!!!
Friday December 16, 2022. 1:52 PM.
As Neon Adejo’s ‘Chinecherem’ filtered clearly — maybe too clearly — at ear drum-vibrating volumes through my headset, what were warm tears of gratitude to the God who turns lives around and never falls my hand gradually turned into warmer tears of pain at the love that events from as recently as Thursday December 15, 2022 was going to make me lose or had already made me lose (whichever makes more sense (sorrowful lol)).
Is it just me or does anyone else also seem to see life more clearly and ruthlessly through the glasses of pain?
So, as I continued to pay deeper attention to the hums that make up that beautiful song, my mind began, in its characteristic manner, to look at this most recent failed attempt at finding ‘true love’ (lol) in an analytical manner. After many mind stretching and twisting moments to find what I’d done wrong or what I could have done better and finding none, I could only come to the exasperating exclamation that is as pan-Nigerian as I am — THIS LOVE THING SEF!!!
I believe that you, like me, must have come repeatedly, like I have, to that point where you thought the genuineness of your intentions was as plain to the person whose love you were courting as the smile on your face. Yes, you may have contemplated ripping their clothes off and kissing their lips to tender puffiness more than once. Yes, you may have contemplated having them over for a weekend or two — preferably a month or two — and fasting from everything else except them as you cuddled and spooned endlessly and only arose occasionally to behold the beauty that is their face. And you may have imagined yourselves walking hand in tightly clasped hand with them as your love shone like stadia lights for the whole world to see. But what is love without some or a lot of physical attraction right?
So, you wonder what it is that you could have done differently, yes? I write this answer more to me than you dear reader. The answer is nothing. Yes, nothing. You couldn’t have turned yourself into a genie and fulfilled their every wish neither could you have become an emotional polyglot and spoken all their love languages fluently and to your own detriment. Lol. I am also aware that you made so many excuses for them when they failed to do the barest minimum hoping they’d do better but yes, you were enabling them to do you a better bad. Choices were made and it wasn’t you. Live with it!
What to do now that you’ve gotten here? Well, check if ‘Chinecherem’ works for you like it did for me and cry if you have to. (P.S: I didn’t cry my eyes out). Refocus and pour your genuineness into something productive, heck, into something profitable. I hear love is sleek and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. And no, being love-resistant does not help you. Who go see emotional shege go see emotional shege and resistance only delays the inevitable. I’m also not arguing against using your head. After all, it is better that breakfast is served by your own logic and common sense than it being served by your eyes.
Focus on doing and being you (the better version please, not the one that even you don’t like) and let what you cannot control control itself. Heartbreaks are bitter and hurt but love is still a beautiful thing and as at the time I was signing off on this letter, there still was no formula (except jas) on making the one you love with both your kidneys and your whole liver love you back.
Your ‘Heart-broken-for-3-days’ stranger
Egem, Godwin Elaunire
