A Pale Blue Dot — Episode 1 — Green, Black and Pink

‘Hey, ugly. To what do I owe the displeasure?’ I welcomed her, with all the hate I could muster in my heart into my apartment which she had, in her head, already started treating like her own. ‘Bitch!’ I muttered under my breath.

‘Hey princess! You sound really mellow this morning. Is it your time of the month?’ she came back strong. Good burn. That was a good burn. ‘Dammit!’, I yelled — in my head.

She made herself comfortable on the sofa without letting her attention away from her phone. She picked an apple from the fruit bowl I had so painstakingly arranged to look like one of those they show on the family dramas from the 90s. Stinking rich family — having supper together and there is this huge fruit bowl in the middle of the dining table and nobody ever picks a fruit off that bowl. I always wanted that fruit bowl to get it’s due. I had apple (the greenest one), grapes (both green and black ones), bananas, oranges and strawberries going into that pretty bowl. Well, it wasn’t pretty anymore. Apple was gone. That’s the one fruit that mattered. And she gobbled it. ‘Bitch!’

“Your slave is in the bathroom beating it off to some other chick’s insta-pic”. I was referring to her boyfriend. My roommate. My high school friend and the only person who can keep up with my borderline kookiness. He was crazy about her and she was, well, getting him laid as much as he wanted so he couldn’t see anything wrong in her ways.

“At least it’s a chick’s!”, she suggested something while taking a bite off that juicy green apple — which hit me but only a moment too late. She was already giggling with her stupidly bright teeth shining in my face.

“Hey! I am NOT…. That was just a prank your jackass boyfriend thought would be hilarious to pull on me… on my chocolate fudging birthday. I am by no means…. I was just… I DIG WOMEN! ALRIGHT!” said I with my finger raised and pointed at her in warning.

It was of no use. Her giggle was transitioning into hysterical laughter — clapping her hands furiously and everything. I so hated her. I stomped off to the kitchen thinking of ways in which I could have come back with a better punchline, and they did occur to me eventually, along with the deep pangs of disappointment about how I run out of them when I am really in need.

“Hey, pretty woman! How is my fine lady doing this beautiful Saturday morning?” my roommate made his entry into the living room like Gatsby. He was a piece of work. She threw my precious apple on the table, like it never mattered to her and pranced on him without a word and they started making out with all the tongue they had -while drifting back into his room.

“Ugh! At least take that piece of junk back in your room before you start fondling her”, I said. They somehow find it really important to have the first kiss of their day in front of a third person (mostly me) and scar him/her (mostly me) for the rest of the day. Not because they kiss. Because they go at it like a starving hitchhiker goes at chicken wings dipped in barbecue sauce. Disgusting.

“It’s for you to watch and learn, kid”, she yelled as she pushed the door of the room shut. That one hit home. I knew I had never been with a girl. The world knew I had never been with a girl but how dare she pointed out the obvious to me. I looked for the knife. I’d had enough. My life sucked anyway. There it was. Sharp. Pointed. Lying on the kitchen table. This is it, I thought. I picked up the knife and went to the living room. I looked at the half consumed apple lying on the table. That apple was me. No purpose to fulfill anymore. Worthless. Incompetent. Good-for-nothing. I picked it up and cut away the part that was compromised to her venom with the knife. There was still a lot left to relish so I took a big bite into the juicy awesomeness of Granny Smith apple. People take really lightly, the ability of fruits to lift someone’s mood. How could she, how could anyone in one’s right mind leave that apple unfinished? ‘Stupid bitch’, I muttered under my breath, again.

As far as I could remember, I had always hated her. I still don’t remember why. She had always been so sweet to everyone but me. Not that I had been a darling around her. We had silently agreed to always greet each other with narrowed eyes and poison disguised as words.

After my marriage to the apple was completely consummated, I decided to go out for a walk before the two bunnies turned their silent fornication into a loud Broadway musical.

It was a dreary day. A very very colorless one. Winter had come for us. The neighbor’s dog was, as usual, practicing the fine art of howling at anyone but strangers. I pulled my jacket closer to my chest and decided to grab a cup of coffee. There was something off about the day. Like the calm before the storm. Like dementors were gliding around stealing souls. Like… oh whatever, you get the point.

The walk to the coffee shop only reminded me of how boring my life was. I tried to think of all the things that I could look forward to in the coming days. There were none. The same old routine-fed life as far as I could see into the near future. My life was like going down a water slide that doesn’t twist or turn or swing you around. There are no surprises. It’s just a constant downward slope and you can see the end from a distance.

‘Hey look! What’s that?’, said someone walking behind me, not to me in particular, but as an alert to public. I looked up. It was huge. It was not a cloud. It was definitely not a plane. It was a gigantic rectangular opening in the sky. Dark and empty. Like looking through a window with nothing on the other side. I swear you can gobble popcorn over such stuff a million times in sci-fi flicks and read about the alien invasion a gazillion times in cheap thrill novels but when you see a real huge black opening in the otherwise pale blue sky of your planet — you have got to lose your shit. There were people going nuts everywhere pointing at the huge rectangular opening in the sky. This one guy, who was completely engrossed into his phone, bumped into me. He showed me the picture of the huge, black, rectangular thingy in the sky on his phone.

‘Dude, isn’t this mind-blowingly awesome?’ he shouted.

‘Yeah’, I said, ‘Sure’. I looked up again.

‘Looks SO good with that filter on. Instagram rockkks’, he yelled as he walked away and started showing that picture to other strangers.

There were shouts of ‘Hey!’, ‘Oh My God!’, ‘The End Is Here!’, ‘Run!’, ‘Hallelujah!’, ‘Shit!’, ‘Instagram rocks! (that same guy)’, ‘Achhe Din Aa Gaye (Good days are here)!’, ‘Modi is responsible!’, ‘Make America Great Again!’. I was so bewildered at the bizarre scene culminating in the sky that I didn’t realize I’d walked into incoming traffic. Of all the people with their gaze stuck towards the sky — some were driving vehicles. One of them was speeding towards me.

I noticed the bus out of instinct. That mild electric shock people get when their bodily senses realize that death is pretty close - I felt that too. My legs had already done what they did every time I needed them the most — they froze. I decided that it was the right time to scream in the most feminine of voices. I could see the look of horror in driver’s eyes too. I could already see a film of pink particles hazing out the driver, the bus and the rest of the world around me. Am I dead?, I thought. That was really painless and neat, one might say. Soon pink was all I could see. Pink was everything. Everything was pink.

(Unrelated scene starts)

Host: “Welcome to the show — so, how’s death like?”

Me: “It’s pink, Jimmy. It’s really pink.”

(Unrelated scene ends)

To be contd…

WORD FROM THE AUTHOR: What happened to the narrator? Is he dead, is he alive (omg.. I can’t feel my legs, already)? What was that black rectangular thingy in the sky? What was that film of pink particles? Why the hell was it pink? What happened to the rest of the fruits in that bowl? Stay tuned for the next episode of — A PALE BLUE DOT… *Baa-Dum-Tisshhh*

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