Adult life, I have discovered, is by no account as bad as popular memes and generic shallow 1 paragraph stories depict it.
On the contrary: for me, it has been an exciting, adventurous, albeit tiring, 6 months.
Except for when I realised it had been indeed 6 months of me having a full time job- that was horrifying! It was that moment when I totally understood how years can pass and feel like a heartbeat.
I also realised I do not intend to and will not stall: I love and enjoy learning and growing, in all possible aspects, so by all means I will not ever stop. Probably slow down at times. …
(This post was written on August 12th, 2016. )
Quick answer: No idea.
Longer answer: Well, it is exciting and scary at the same time: being done with school, having lived between two (very different) countries for two years and having to figure out the next step in life. I can basically go anywhere: have no strong obligations or belongings. But I also feel stricken by fear about the future: so, what do I do now?
I am the type of person who does stuff only they feel like. Meaning I can be anxious for weeks because I am making literally 0 progress, or I can be hyper excited and write 4 emails, kick start a project and book my travels, all within the span of 3 hours.
So now I am sort of floating. Actually, I have been floating for a couple of weeks now. Here’s my last couple of months:
I sat down and worked on the Master thesis all May. (Well, from the 3rd of May- I had 2 of my best friends visit me in Uppsala the first weekend of May). It went great: I worked until late every night, procrastinated quite a bit during the day, jogged almost every day and then worked on my thesis. It generally went smoothly, only one minor panic moment, but I was in an island in Finland with my friends (strictly thesis writing and chilling in the sauna trip) so that passed quickly.
Thesis was handed it in end of May and I went on to have some 4–5 graduation ceremonies (dinners, bbqs and what not); had my family visit me in Uppsala, went to Poland with my classmates (yet another graduation celebration), went around Sweden for a week, and worked as a waitress until end of July, when I left Sweden and then went to Barcelona for a week.
It has been quite some celebrating and it has been amazing. I believe one should always take the time to celebrate: be it a degree, a friendship, a loved one’s success, a soulmate, the first cupcake made from scratch, basically everything. )
So I gave myself time. I literally have no idea what Im going to do with my life, but I let it be, being quite sure that it is going to come to me.
I am now home in Albania and it still hasn’t come to me. I am working on adding my works on my portfolio, exploring a lot of companies and the opportunities they offer, but I still don’t know. And it doesn’t feel bad. Not at all. Will I return to Sweden? Maybe. Will I stay home? Maybe.
Maybe Ill apply to some volunteering position. I will never again be 24, with no possessions, apart from a bike and a mobile phone I still need to finish paying. …
Going back home is not always easy. You think it is, you look forward to meeting people, having your family take care of you, telling everyone about your new life and so on. It turns out, it not only about the fun parts; it can awake in you feelings of confusion and a sense of not belonging, which are difficult to express and heal, or at least I found myself struggling with more than once.
I am now writing from a plane, going from my old home to my new home, or can one have two homes? …