The Bachelor Episode 7: Peter Weber and the Travelling Sister Wives
This week, I watched The Bachelor with my aunt, who plied me with Sauvignon Blanc and pizza and cookies from Florida, so my notes for episode seven weren’t nearly as detailed as they are when I’m watching alone in my room. Yelling at Peter in between bites of Dominos is actually how God intended us to consume this program.
What a strange, strange season this has been. On Monday, Peter selected his final four for hometown dates, and we hardly know much about any of them. This season has been so plagued with dramatic nonsense that we’re left feeling disconnected and unable to truly root for anyone. Usually, by this point, I have one contestant that I genuinely like and whose connection with the lead actually makes me smile and go “awww.” That has not happened this time. Even if there’s “good” contestants like Madison and Kelley, I still don’t really care about what happens to them because 1) I don’t see ending up with Peter as a good thing, and 2) we haven’t spent much time getting to know them or even seeing them interact with Peter.
Peter and the ladies have arrived in Lima, Peru, and my desire to go to South America has skyrocketed. The marketing strategies of various boards of tourism have succeeded! Peter surprises the women in their hotel room, sans date card. He’s just there to tell the women he’s afraid that he’ll pick someone who isn’t truly ready for marriage, and he asks them to really think about if they could see having a family with him. It’s weird and feels somewhat like a lecture, yet this speech makes Victoria look incredibly nervous, so I guess it served a purpose. The women hug him goodbye. Kelley and Madison are both wearing jackets I have tried on at Zara but ultimately did not purchase.
The next morning, Madison receives a date card. This will be her first one-on-one since Peter took her to his parents’ vow renewal during week one. Natasha, meanwhile, still has yet to have a one-on-one at all. Peter takes Madison to the docks to go fishing, and they roll around on the bow of a boat. He clearly likes her the most, but I still don’t feel any kind of excitement or happiness for them. As a couple, they’re the embodiment of the shrugging emoji.
Back at the hotel, Kelsey and Hannah Ann discuss the fact that Madison is very religious and wants her husband to be a “spiritual leader in the home,” and that she wants to make sure her priorities align with Peter’s before she commits to him. Madison’s devout faith is something you’d be aware of if you closely follow Reddit threads or engage with Facebook fan groups (hi), but not something you’d know from the show itself. Her faith affects a lot, as we see in next week’s preview, but the show waited until episode seven to inform its audience about it. Weird!
The dinner portion begins, and Madison tells us that telling Peter about her religious beliefs could propel them forward or end things completely. She tells Peter that she wants her partner to be like her dad (oh yikes), and that her dad’s “relationship with the Lord” is why he can love her family so well. Peter shifts in his chair. Sidebar: I don’t like to rag on women’s speech patterns and habits, but good golly, Madison says “like” SO MUCH. I know I say it a lot too, but I don’t sound like THAT, do I??? I’m having an identity crisis. Madison elaborates more on why religion is important to her, and Peter stares at his hands and takes a loooooong pause. When he finally breaks his silence, he does so by saying, “I totally hear that.” Jesusssss (sorry, Madison). He tells her that he grew up in a Christian household but he feels that his faith could be stronger. Basically, he celebrates Christmas but doesn’t pray every day. He promises Madison that he wants to work on his faith, and this seems to be enough for her (for now). He then tells her, “I know that I’m falling in love with you.” This show has all kinds of wonky rules about who can say this to whom, when they can say it, and the distinctions between “I could see myself falling in love with you” and “I am falling in love with you,” etc. but doesn’t this seem early for a Bachelor do be doing this? Especially with five other women waiting back at the hotel? Anyways, she’s happy about it, and he gives her a rose.
The next day, Natasha finally gets her first one-on-one, but we already knew how this was going to end. They have a typical “walk around the city” date and she tells Peter that 1) she hasn’t brought a man home in four years, and 2) she has intimidating brothers who will ask him lots of questions. These revelations sealed her fate; no way was Peter going to go through all of that. At dinner, he asks Natasha if she can see their relationship going somewhere, and she says she can. He picks up the rose and dumps her while holding it in front of her face. We’ve seen Bachelors do these rose fake-outs before, so it’s got to be a producer instruction. Either way, I hate when they do this. Bye Natasha, you were too good and normal for this season.
Now it’s Kelsey’s turn for a one-on-one date, and Peter takes her on an ATV ride up a Peruvian mountain. This scene includes very rude camera angles! Peter makes her run up a hillside and they both collapse in a pile, breathing heavily. When they finally catch their breath, they talk more about what they want in the future. Kelsey tells him she wants kids and to only work 2–3 days per week so she can be with them. My aunt (and women all over the continent) scoffed and said, “don’t we all, Kelsey!” At dinner, Kelsey elaborates more on her parents’ divorce and her relationship with her formerly estranged dad. After one failed reconciliation, Kelsey’s dad reached out again, and she agreed to visit him (her sisters did not join her). Kelsey has since kept in touch with her dad, but has never told her mom because she doesn’t want her mom’s feelings about him to affect her own. Kelsey asks Peter to not bring this up if she gets a hometown date. Yeeeeesh. I commend Kelsey for building her own relationship with her dad, but this is a heavy thing to ask of a guy you’ve been on two dates with. Also, her mom is going to find out about this by watching the show, which isn’t great! Peter gives her the rose. Hopefully he can keep his mouth shut during Kelsey’s hometown.
Now it’s time for the three-on-one date, a truly cursed concept. Peter takes Hannah Ann, Victoria and Kelley to a hacienda where they meet a kind older man who is clearly confused about this whole arrangement. Nothing puts this absurd process into stark perspective quite like a three-on-one date. The fewer women there are, the more this show just looks like an episode of Sister Wives. Kelley is getting the “uh oh, she’s getting cocky!” edit and it doesn’t look good for her. “Chop chop, let’s go”, indeed. Peter pulls Hannah Ann aside first, and she reads him a list straight out of middle school of all the reasons she likes him. She even put hearts above some of the i’s. The reasons include “You make time for me” (does he, though?) and “you make me feel like the only girl here.” It only highlights how young Hannah Ann is and how little they actually know each other. Back at the Waiting Couch, Victoria is already complaining and barely enunciating all the reasons she’s upset. “It’s annoying to be around me!” Well, at least she knows! Kelley, meanwhile is CHILLING OUT in her all-white denim look. This is dramatic irony, right? I could see Kelley’s fate coming from miles away.
Peter pulls Kelley aside second, and she tells him she’s annoyed that she’s the only remaining woman to not get a second one-on-one. She also tells Peter she feels good about him and that relationships don’t need to be hard and should be fun. Like Natasha, Kelley is approaching this whole thing way too rationally. Her statement that relationships should be fun makes Peter frown and say, “I want this to be more than fun.” She laughs at him. Atta girl. He kisses her.
Peter pulls Victoria aside last, and have I mentioned that she sucks? She sucks so much! Peter tries to talk to her about the status of their relationship, and asks her how she feels about them. She responds like an utter brat, saying, “I feel like every time we’re together, you’re always in a mood.” Victoria is awful and Peter is annoying, but this still made me gasp. Good lord, this woman. She blames their rocky dynamic on Peter being in a “mood” and “frustrating” when she is one of the moodiest women to ever be on this show. Watching her turn that around on Peter sent chills down my spine. Peter held his own against this bullshittery, to be fair. He eventually walks her over to an SUV with a rose in hand, causing Victoria and the audience to wonder if he’s sending her home or not. He offers her the rose and her entire demeanour changes, jumping up and down and throwing her arms around him. Peter, you chump. Looks like we’ll get to meet Victoria’s family, which will definitely be a treat.
Peter returns to the Waiting Couch and informs Hannah Ann and Kelley that he gave Victoria a rose. Kelley squints at him. He then proceeds to give the second rose to Hannah Ann in front of Kelley. Hannah Ann whispers “yes,” and bursts into tears for some reason. Peter says goodbye to Kelley and she responds with a perfect, “It sucks it didn’t work out, figure out what you need to figure out.” She doesn’t cry, which must have driven Peter insane.
We then get a bizarre scene where Peter and Hannah Ann return to the hotel suite hand-in-hand to meet up with the remaining women. Kelsey is thrilled and runs towards them, giving Hannah Ann a huge hug. We’ve come so far from Champagne-gate and it’s genuinely nice to see. Producers tried to make both of these women villains this season and it didn’t stick for either of them. I’m a proud momma bear. All the women hug each other and Peter, which only deepens the Sister Wives vibes. This scene plays out with a Kelley voiceover, telling us all the reasons Peter was wrong in his decision. “I don’t want him to waste my time, either. Thank you for not coming and meeting my family.” Amen.
See you next week, hometowns are going to be a mess! I’m excited!
