The Urge For Something Better
I get this feeling of falling short in everything I do. What ever I pursue, from writing this piece of text, to impressing a girl. I am never completely satisfied with the result. I always feel that it could have been done better.
It’s a constant toll on my mind. Nothing is ever good enough.
To cope, I have developed a technique to not to care about the results. I try to dismiss things as unimportant and start focusing on the next thing. I tell myself that it will never be as good as I imagined or hoped. I am just not good enough. There is nothing I can do. I just have to accept it.
People tell me that I shouldn’t have such high expectations for myself. I should learn to be content with my abilities. This is impossible though. I want to keep on developing and reach my ultimate potential. I don’t just want to stop!
Always falling short takes a toll on my confidence though. Never satisfied, never being good enough. Why can’t I just succeed and reach my goals?
Or, will I ever be able to succeed? If I reach all my goals, would I then be happy? Or will I then strive for something even better? Is there something in my brain which always makes me want to achieve more, and more?
That’s a good problem to have, isn’t it? Eventually I will become the master of the universe at everything!
This isn’t happening though. I see plenty of people doing things better than me all the time. Is this because they have the same feeling as I do? Are they just a few steps in front of me on their strive to perfection? If so, there will always be someone a few steps in front. How do I speed up my development so that I can pass everybody and finally become content?
Or are they just better than me? Is everyone born with a set potential which they can’t exceed? Am I doomed to a life of struggle and dis-contentedness?
I don’t know.. Its probably a combination of everything like most things are. I was hoping this text would end on an optimistic note, but I think I just have to accept that I won’t become the master of the universe at everything. I will continue to strive for perfection. I just have to not get disheartened when it doesn’t go as well as expected.