An Apology for Being Broken

I hurt you. I let you in, and then I hurt you. For that, I am so, so sorry.

My behaviour was beyond appalling. I screamed at you — in a way no human should ever be addressed. I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to speak to me anymore. I don’t want to speak to me anymore. I am well and truly deeply ashamed of how I treated you at times.

The irony is that if I didn’t love you, if I didn’t care for you, I would have never let down my guard, let you in, made you vulnerable to me. All I can do is apologize again for the twin circumstance of deeply caring about you and, at the same time, having a mental disorder with symptoms like “extreme irritability especially under stress” and “a tendency to lash out at the persons closest to them.”

I am sorry. Please forgive me.