Daily Musings — Subpar Salad

#3 As a vegetarian, it is often assumed that 50% of my essence and purpose is made up of salad. Because apparently there is no other food — except for this binary notion of meat — and salad…

and nothing else.

Last night I went to a restaurant with close close family from Israel — I was blessed to be invited to join them for dinner. Of course, it was a meat restaurant which meant only one thing — I would be eating salad. Despite being a vegetarian I’m extremely not picky — I just eat everything, unless it’s slimy or smells weird. But, just to make everyone happy, I ordered a salad. And it seemed like a cool one too. It was on the summer time menu, which we all know is a huge scam and is equal parts arbitrary and not special. Anyway, it seemed like a good idea. Rumor has it the salad had cauliflower in it — and lime means and barley and other things that don’t usually go into salad. But I’m an unconventional girl, the last thing I want is a conventional salad.

So the salad came to the table and was awful fun to look at it. The different green contrasted nicely, the red of the dried up cranberries, and burnt top of the little cauliflower bushes. It was even mixed which is ideal because — no one wants to mix their own salad. So I scooped up my fork and denied all compliments around the table on the salad — calm down people, I know it looks good, all I did was order it, I’m not even paying for it — but keep the praises coming — that’s right, this girl knows how to order a salad.

So I’m putting the salad in my mouth — and to my surprise, it tasted like absolutely nothing. And I’m smiling and waving and giving the thumbs up — like heck yes, I’m so glad I ordered this salad, but really, my mouth is kicking my brain and mumbling under a full mouth — WHY DID YOU ORDER THIS?

It was a good question. The salad was bland tasting, despite its colorful appearance and unique array of vegetables. The dressing tasted like olive oil with nothing else — where’s the salt? I need salt. And I gazed around the table at the meat being scarfed down — the burgers, the fries, the buns, toasted to perfection. And here I am — no carbs, no beef, minimal amounts of protein. Where is the nasty mayo dressing? Why is this meal no cold? Why am I eating a cold meal.

Of course, I never ever complain about food because I’m not a spoiled simple minded person. I ate the salad and packed it up to go and ate it for lunch the next day too. It was quite big, I’ll give it that.

That’s okay. Next time I’ll get the veggie burger.

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