The Ever Changeable Constant
…the surroundings have been constantly changing. Different cities: totally unmatched biorhythms and a dozen of time zones. Entangled road systems, narrow streets and wide boulevards. Wet-paint rails and tiny movable stalls. Thousands of smoked cigarettes and half empty glass bottles. A myriad amount of human dramas. Is there a place for mine? What this city is going to share with me? Will I be able to become someone’s precious memory? A deep inhale. The very first breaths of a yet alien air as I am chasing time. The very distinct sounds of a hollowing wind from the ajar taxi window. An inimitable color and uneven pavements. I hold my breath under every bridge. I am still a strong believer that if I do my dreams will come true. Generally speaking, there are some things I want to believe implicitly; without any justifications. The kind of things I want to believe in despite whatever and not because of something.
I always ask myself if I have ever changed someone’s life. The unpredictable encounter with fate. This one is longer than a heartbeat. The uncontrollable internal processes. Help me to remember those roads leading me to you. So that I can come back after a lifetime and say that I remember your palms on my skin and your long bronzed fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and hug you from the back. I am listening to the sea that can never be forgotten or remembered. It is always there. It is always inside us. Have I become the sea to someone myself?
Sometimes I feel like ocean. Sometimes I am sugar and rain, and a crowded street. But somehow I also feel like a completely empty beach too. And that is when I teach myself to spot even the smallest pleasures in life. Reciprocity. One sight from a complete stranger. One meaningless smile that means everything. The song resonated with your mood. The very first rain drops on a stuffy day. Old photos and hand-written letters. A good book. Dogs. Double-chocolate cookies. Family. Strangers. Early mornings. Friday. Fireplace. When those who always raised the walls decide to open up. When you open up yourself. The tears. The inspiration. Art. Booked flights, packed suitcases, black coffee and unanswered calls. Decisions you first thought to be purely personal always impact the lives of others.
If you ever ask me how many times you have crossed my mind, I would say once. Because you came and never left. And I find myself holding my breath under the bridge again. I will make one wish…I wish you always keep me in your mirror. But don’t take your eyes of the road. Take care.