The terrible headaches return each evening once I start to feel safe. The distance between my head and my heart is as confusing as it is hopeful, hopeful that somehow I can survive this. “Take care of them”, it was the last thing she said before life dissolved from her body like her hot breath through the cold air.

I shake the feeling of her and look over at them, so small, so innocent. When will they have to learn how much evil this life has? They are stronger than I am, much stronger. I want to hold them and tell them how much they meant to her, and how much she will miss them. If I touched them would I hurt them? Would they feel my pain?

I put my hands upon the glass, it is warm against my palms. “I love you all” I say, then I draw a smiley face on the glass where my voice left a foggy imprint. It is just us now. My ant farm and me.