Whiner Baby, Unleashed
by E. A. Gilmartin
Possibly nothing captures the essence of Trump better than the image of a whiner baby. Temper tantrums via Twitter, the complete inability to accept responsibility or to apologize, to let anything go-have Sharpie? Will modify!
As gross a caricature as he embodies, Trump is not unique in his endeavor to shirk any resemblance to a mature, calm, self-possessed adult. What is especially unfortunate, is that he is no longer a reality TV star employing self-aggrandizement for ratings-he is now supposedly the leader of our democracy and purported role model for the youth in our country.
So what are we learning, kids? If you can lie and get away with it, do it. If you can take credit for someone else’s efforts, take it. If you make a mistake, pin it on the next guy. If you talk yourself into a corner, deny you ever said it. If you feel threatened, come out swinging. If you can make money without working, all the more power to you. If you can escape your civic duty because mommy and daddy have money, go for it. If you can recreate reality and no one challenges you, well then, the sky is the limit.
Following said suggestions above will lead to a phenomenon known as Whiner Baby. The typical whiner baby is well-versed in complaining and deflecting as it is based on a world view couched in negativity and paranoia and persecutory fantasies. Devoid of empathy and insight, the whiner baby always finds someone else to blame and never is there a valid reason to accept responsibility.
There is a spectrum to this particular syndrome, as with most afflictions of the mind and personality. It begins to reveal itself in childhood, as the developing mind, fearful of parental repercussions, desperately seeks to blame any misdeed on an invisible friend, a younger sibling, or the family dog. It is the wise parent who guides the child from anxiety-based distortions of reality for self-protection through the encouragement of truth-telling and personal accountability, reinforced through role modeling honesty, responsibility, and positive regard for others.
This, of course, necessitates consequences, precisely what Trump has never had. Now this phenomenon did not start with Trump, nor will it end with him either, unfortunately. What his active Twitter/television presence has done, however, is legitimize and elevate the position of the whiner baby and its excesses nearly to an art form.
Twitter is a good example. Without boundaries for polite behavior and no actual consequences, one can go to town with insults, bigotry, and distortions of reality. It is one thing to insult someone on Twitter, quite another to do so in person, as the latter could result in a solid punch to the offender’s mouth. I am not an advocate of violence, but even the threat of this would act as a deterrent.
Now social media did not create the whiner baby, but it does act as the perfect conduit, given the whiner baby’s notable cowardice and propensity for ripping down others. What is especially frightening is the kerosene social media adds to the vitriol of whiner baby. Said whiner will post something virulent, another whiner will read it, say to him or herself, hell, yes! and the feeding frenzy expands exponentially.
A perfect example is Trump’s election and now re-election platform; immigrants are the reasons for your pain and suffering. The classic whiner baby, not a highly motivated creature for self-introspection, will immediately jump on the bandwagon. Well, someone is to blame for my lot in life. It can’t possibly be me! It can’t possibly be the corrupt system in which we live that serves to maintain the status quo, with obscene wealth in the hands of the few and a Republican agenda that prefers to keep the average American in debt, sick with a variety of illnesses often a result of obesity, substance abuse, and few if any resources to obtain quality healthcare, education, and good nutrition.
No, no, no, says the whiner baby. That would entail taking some personal responsibility to challenge the status quo, to be politically active and question legislation that acts directly in contrast to one’s best interests. Why expend the physical and cognitive energy that would be required when one can simply go on Twitter or attend a god awful Trump rally to malign immigrants? Why accept the reality of climate change, the biggest catalyst for migration and civil unrest in equatorial countries, when one can simply sit back, thumbs on I phone, and insult and rage and shed any personal responsibility?
Whiner baby phenomenon manifests itself quite readily with the “manosphere,” including sites such as LoveShy, an off-shoot of the Incel community, and 4chan. The impotent rage shared on these sites holds women wholeheartedly responsible for the misery in these men’s lives. Men who post on these sites might acknowledge some perceived deficits, but ultimately, it is the fault of the other half of the human race that they feel rejected. The vitriol is off the charts and some of the posts go as far to condone violence against women simply because they dare to be the engineers of their own lives and make their own choices. Rather than examine their inability or unwillingness to be proactive and make positive changes in their lives, beginning with their self-pitying attitudes, it is far easier to sit in the protective cocoon of these sites and unleash hatred and loathing on the “other.” This is not a new phenomenon either; from Eve in the Garden of Eden, and Pandora and that stupid box, women have conveniently been the target of the male whiner baby. Hey, Adam, you moron, you could have said no to the apple, you whiner baby. Take responsibility! Of course, I do not take the story of Genesis literally, but it does make a point.
The extreme whiner baby in male-female relations can go so far as to commit sexual violence and murder. How many recountings from captured serial killers relate some tale of women “doing him wrong” to justify the taking of human life. Or how prostitutes are simply not even considered human, just garbage to unleash one’s wrath and dispose of without regard? I have yet to hear similar occurrences on the other side of the gender spectrum. Do these guys have any idea that many women feel rejected because of their looks, their weight? How their significant others may cheat on them, beat them, leave them and their offspring without resources and yet do not go on killing sprees? More often than not, a woman would attribute to some extent her guy’s wandering ways on a perceived deficit of her own, as opposed to the reality that he made that choice and he and he alone is responsible for that. Socialized as caregivers, women are more likely to give thought and consideration to others and to put themselves second. Is that true across the board for all women? No, it is a generalization, but if we were to socialize men to be caregivers just as much as women and elevate the status of women to that of men, I highly suspect a great reduction in the presence of the whiner baby on those sites.
For men, white men, in particular, to acknowledge they are the beneficiaries of our current social/economic hierarchy does not diminish them. But it does make them accountable to play a role in promoting justice among all people, male, female, immigrant or not. Justice, however, is not in the lexicon of the whiner baby.
To be fair, anyone can be a whiner baby, however, it is more likely to fall within the purview of those in a privileged position. Taking the college admissions scandal as an example of entitlement on steroids, there is a spectrum evident given those who admit culpability and those incensed they are even charged. Financially well-off people are quite accustomed to being catered to; to circumventing scrutiny with say, questionable business practices, tax protections, etc. Being held to a different standard will often elicit the rise of whiner baby syndrome when this double standard is challenged. And it need not involve financial wealth; children raised without consequences for bad behavior or a sense of empathy and fair play may easily personify the whiner baby when obstacles arise. This must be someone else’s fault! To think otherwise would necessitate accepting responsibility and taking action…and we can’t have that, can we?
Whiner baby syndrome does great injustice to our society and our democracy. With a ‘blame anyone else’ mentality, any sense of community, sacrifice, justice, and compassion becomes an endangered species, much like the growing list thanks to Trump’s latest attack on Obama’s legacy. Having a sense of justice means that you do not elevate yourself and your needs above that of others. It means that the truth takes precedence over personal biases. It means that social mores will not be eroded by the self-righteous belief that it is acceptable to subject others to your emotional tirades. The unfortunate reality, of course, is that the current occupant of the White House, a.k.a. Whiner Baby in Chief is the antithesis of all of this and has the widest audience possible.
It takes courage to admit one’s mistakes and accept culpability, and also intelligence to recognize our shortcomings do not define us. Rather, it should motivate us to strive for greater heights personally and the good of our society. It is empowering to feel one can evince positive, constructive change and not devolve in a tantrum of powerlessness and negativity from the “safe” confines of the internet. And given that the emotional and physical health of our country is declining, ironic in a country of such wealth, isn’t this worth the consideration?
