Finding a Mentor #5: Cultivating a Growth Mentality
One of the most humbling experiences I’ve had as a martial arts instructor is dealing with difficult students. I don’t mean students with gaps in their knowledge or those with physical issues that require a lot of technique modifications, but straight up difficult people. They walk into the classroom thinking they know everything (most often because they’ve read a book from such-and-such sensei or had studied for six months with a world champion), ignore advice, and often are the ones that injure themselves or other people.
These experiences have helped shape me both as a martial arts practitioner and as a student. I wanted to continue my series on professional mentorship with some thoughts about being a teachable student. What traits do you need to keep in mind to achieve optimal growth?
The phrase that came to mind when I thought about this topic was “cultivation.” Encouraging professional growth is like cultivating a plot of land: you till it, fertilize it, and water it, in the hopes that the environment you’ve provided would make it possible for your crop to grow.
#1: Be humble enough to hear constructive criticism.
About fifteen years ago, my father gave me the advice that I was burning the candle at both ends. He told me, essentially, that there was no “casual” involvement for me; I was either completely in or completely out of an activity. I often found myself in leadership positions, complete with the responsibilities and time commitments.
At the time, I laughed it off. I thought that while there might be some validity to his statement, I had proven to myself that I could handle it. Multiple bouts with burnout later, I finally realized that he was right. In order to live a balanced life, I needed to scale back, choose what was important, and be willing to merely participate in an activity or cut it out completely.
I had quickly discarded what he had to say merely because it didn’t jive with my own experience. However, what I failed to recognize was that my father had a wealth of life experience and perspective that I lacked in my own life. Similarly, being open to receiving and reflecting on constructive criticism is the humility that one needs to make growth possible. After all, the whole point of a mentor is to provide an external view to challenge your own perceptions and help you establish a vision beyond what you currently can see.
#2: Embrace failure as a part of the growth process.
I’ve seen this pattern over and over again in my students: they perform a single kick, realize that it was wrong, and then spend minutes feeling bad about the failure. That would, in turn, mess up the following kick, and by the time they made it across the room, they would be an emotional mess.
The fundamental problem is that of perfectionism. Perhaps it’s because I teach at one of the top public universities in the United States, and high-achieving students often struggle with that issue. But, as one article I recently read so poignantly stated, the American school system (and its overachieving parents) nowadays teaches a fear of failure.
But failure is fundamentally a part of growing. As a toddler, you fall a lot before you learn how to walk. Similarly, in your career, failure isn’t a sign that you are any less valuable a person than your peer; it merely means that you are learning more about yourself, whether it be a skills or interest mismatch or an idea that didn’t have an audience.
#3: Celebrate incremental success.
I have some students who constantly take the long view on their training. They have in mind the bigger picture, and that sometimes can discourage them from even recognizing their daily accomplishments. It’s like the person who makes a plan to hike 1,000 miles, but is disappointed they only walk 10 the first day.
I like to point out to these students that they’re (metaphorically) ten miles closer to their goal, even if they don’t make it that exact day. I help them to recognize the small successes, knowing that it’s the accumulation of these skill gains that roll up into a larger transformation.
Similarly, in your career goals, every small skill gain or small project under your belt can be growth toward a greater goal.
There are many elements to personal and professional growth, ranging from discipline to discernment, from listening to learning. A mentor can help jump start that process, but growth takes work — a massive amount of consistent effort over time to achieve your goal.
And every step is merely one step closer.
More in this series:
“Crops” courtesy Parker Knight. Licensed via Creative Commons — Attribution Generic 2.0 and edited.
Elaine is an engineer at Adobe. You can find her on Twitter at @elainefinnell. All statements in this essay are her own and do not reflect the opinions of her employer.