A POEM BY ::Sean Lopez

Cold

I wonder

I wonder if I’m on her mind as often as she’s on mine

And I wonder if that slows her time

If it crawls to some agonizing pace

Does it bring her comfort

Or only make more room for pain and doubt

And if not

If I really am the only one thinking of her

Then why

Why doesn’t she think of me

I wonder if she misses my presence

If she can feel the cold of night like I

As I sit here in the dark and feel my breath freezing in mid-air

Does she toss and turn missing my warmth

As I do so plainly miss of hers

Has she ever felt such cold before

In my mind, I know

She has never felt the same cold as I

I wonder if she pushes me out

To make room for the shades and shadows

Voiceless ghosts

Shameless and selfish

Digging ever deeper and shrouding her in doubt

Does she realize, then, what she cast

She casts a shadow

She can’t live without

And as for me

I get swallowed

Must I live beneath their shadows

I wonder if she wishes me to be more

If I could be who she has wanted

Then I wouldn’t be myself anymore

Does she know that I am me

That’s all I’ll ever really be

That’s all that I can promise

I wonder if that’s enough

I don’t think I can impart a lesson

I don’t think I can create a feeling

I can only be what you see

That’s all that I can give

So I wonder if that’s alright

Is it alright to start over again

I wonder if she knows what I am thinking

If she understands how sure I am

And I wonder, in exchange

If I even know how ready she might be

Or is

Or never can be

I wonder if we’re only empty dreams

In my heart, I know the answer

But I wonder what she believes

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