I wonder if they know how worrying it is to be cut off. But I know if they come back I’ll just go back to how I was before.

I keep thinking if I did something wrong. Or if I had told them I missed them back this wouldn’t have happened. But at the same time I know I’m not important enough for it to be my fault. But the nagging feeling of what if I called more or messaged more; maybe it would have been different.

It’s called doubt. Knowing that I didn’t do everything I could to help. What if that was the last time I heard their voice. Their happy laughter from someone else’s call. Sometimes I wish I was here alone so they wouldn’t feel as alone.

I wish you would just reply. Is it selfish? Maybe. I want you to be okay, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit I am saddled with the guilt that maybe I wasn’t good enough.

I miss you. These words keep ringing in my head but I have no response. I should’ve just said it back like a normal person. But I couldn’t grasp the feeling of missing a person. Does it require a person disappearing for me to miss them? I didn’t miss you because I knew I could talk to you.

I guess in certain moments I would wish they were there so I could show them something. But I don’t know if that’s what they mean.

The other night someone else asked me if I missed them. Why do they keep asking this question? I don’t even feel like I miss my family.

Maybe it’s because I’m not completely alone.

I always had a feeling it would end up like this. They did too. I wonder if it’s more of a self fulfilling prophecy than anything else.

Are you still wearing the bracelet.

Are you in the hospital again?

Are you still alive?

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potatographer; lover of sleep and dogs

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elaine

elaine

potatographer; lover of sleep and dogs

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