All Kardashian’s Pregnant Now! They’re all pregnant! Pregnant with Triplets! Please give us attention! ! !

Look, it’s your favorite women! Cool! Hip!

It’s really very true! Scout’s honor! 115%! Khloe, Kourtney, Kim, Kris, Kelly, Kylie, Kaitlyn, Kendall, Kale, AND Kornucopia Kardashian are all pregnant with triplets! Truly amazing. Like, Kardashi-mazing. Is that a thing? Now it totally is. Kardashian.

Here are the top secret, super Kardashian Konfidential facts that we were told in private but now are going to exploit because we all have rent to pay: Each Kardashian went through extensive processes in the past week to become pregnant enough to officially admit to the public, all at the same time. Talk about family matters! Additionally, the fact that they’re all having triplets was entirely by chance!

Triplets. Tri-puhl-ets. That’s three babies per Kardashian, folks. This brings the total number of heirs and heiresses to the Kardashian throne up to thirty.

The pouty fashionista entertainment moguls have yet to comment on the genders of their thirty babies, but word from a total sell-out of a friend to the family says that each Kardashian is going to be thinking of themes for their baby names. “Khloe is thinking of going for names that all start with the letter C, while Kornucopia is definitely playing with the idea of Rambo characters”, the source, who’s name is Calvin and looks like a cross between Patrick Swayze and Mary Todd Lincoln, but wishes to remain anonymous, told us exclusively over an AIM groupchat. “The family can’t think of anything more fitting for her, really.”

Additionally, the Kardashian family is considering copyrighting the term “Triplets.” A new video game that centers around the family having triplets is to come out October 2019.

We, the American people, can’t even imagine news content that may be more relevant than this!

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