The gist of this post, and the title of it is quite simple: fuck Scottrade.

I’ve maintained a brokerage account with Scottrade for a number of years. They charge $7 per trade yet I’ve stuck with them in the era of Robinhood free trading apps because they have a wider stock selection, and they allow me to trade options which Robinhood does not.

In my brokerage account it’s rare that I pull money out, I usually only deposit. Even when I sell out of a stock I cycle that money into a new position. So Ive never really had to deal with the nonsense I found out today.

I sold off a block of Apple and Nintendo shares to raise more cash for a different opportunity Im chasing. I expected withdrawing the money to work the same as depositing it: ACH bank deposits from one bank to another. It’s how money transfers work these days, it’s how Robinhood works, it’s how most online banking apps work. I mean Cash app does the deposit instantly for a 1% cut.

So tell me why Scottrade in 2017 insists I have to do a wire. And it’s not like I can fill in the details online and do it that way. I have to download a PDF, fill it out and print, sign and either scan or turn it at their branch then wait two days for it to be processed. In 2017.

And the worst of it all is that for the benefit of giving me my own money, I have to pay a $25 wire fee. Scottrade basically chose the most expensive way of moving money around, stuff you use for super hefty and usually international transactions and said “yup, we’ll stick to this.”

I filled the form and dropped it. And then I hit up TD Ameritrade and Interactive Brokers. One of those will be getting my money once I’m ready to go back in.

If Robinhood did options and if their market making was not outsourced they would’ve been my primary broker. Because they let you move money to and from your account conveniently over their app and all their trades charge a commission of a big fat $0.

Rant over.